Feb 182012
Authors: Nic Turiciano

Danielle Ate the Sandwich is a skilled singer-songwriter from Loveland, Colo. She’s also extremely funny. That’s why we’re grateful she agreed to share her thoughts on the most important questions regarding sandwiches.

You can catch her performing live on KCSU this Monday, Feb. 20, at 7 p.m. She’ll also be doing an in-studio interview, and judging by her thoughts on sandwiches, it’s going to be one of the more interesting interviews KCSU has seen in a while.

Which came first, the Big Bang or the sandwich?

Hard to say, really. The first sandwich evolved from a cosmic spiral that began spinning billions of years ago. God also made himself a sandwich on the 7th day, as he rested, and watched an episode of Franklin & Bash.

What type of bread is closest to being human?

Saying white seems racist, so I’ll say Pumpernickel.

In your well-informed opinion, what lunch meat was President Reagan’s favorite?

I often day dream about President Reagan getting down on a Turkey sandwich. Nothing fancy… just some bread, lettuce, mustard and just a little bit of turkey. Any Reagan historian knows, however, that his favorite lunch meat was jelly beans.

Is eating a sandwich appropriate while giving a eulogy?

Yes, every time.

Would childbirth still be un-appetizing if the baby was replaced with a sandwich?

I think it would still be un-appetizing, more so, even, but it’d be pretty amazing to give birth to a sandwich. I’d be pretty happy to raise a sandwich baby and pay for its way through college and see it get married, etc. MOVE OVER BENJAMIN BUTTON!

Is it true that sandwiches still hold their form in zero gravity?

No, I don’t think that’s true, but I’ve never tested the theory. It is also false that sandwiches can swim AND incorrect that sandwiches make good investment bankers. There are a lot of sandwich myths going around. 2012 is the time to set the record straight.

Do you think sandwiches go to Heaven or Hell?

I’ll leave that one up to the sandwich maker in the sky…
Cue Joan Osborne’s song, “One of Us”

All views expressed in the interview belong to Danielle At the Sandwich.

Nic Turiciano is a senior journalism major at Colorado State University. Follow him on Twitter

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