Oct 202011
Authors: Molly Ungrerer

Some say chivalry is dead. I’d like to hold onto some hope that these individuals may be wrong; however, males of today are not exactly pulling through.

I dodged the fleeing apple core that was directly thrown at my face from the hand of a male that I had recently become acquainted with. This was followed by a, “but seriously, Molly, how you been?” accompanied by a hug. (And might I point out the seducing misuse of grammar?)

I refused to playfully wrestle back while being smothered into the over-sized beanbag by a young man whom I was not on speaking terms with at the time. He must have interpreted my wheezes for air as an invitation to continue to scuffle.

“Charming,” with a sarcastic inflection, first came to mind when I was recently called a “chump” for guessing a guy’s age incorrectly. I was off by one year.

Flirting tactics today seem to be taking a step or two backward.

These love games used to be more of a linear, progressing series of events. As children, it was always pushing down the girl you liked or overwhelming her hair with mud.

Girls always sign notes as “Your Secret Admirer,” they ask their fancied beau to play the timeless game of MASH or they just straight up ignore him in hopes that one day it will hit him like a ton of bricks that the two of them belong together and that he will perform a major gesture of love.

These love projects slowly evolve into middle-school dating when friends of both parties will speak to one another on terms of “OK, well Dustin likes Kensie. Does Kensie like Dustin? OK then, its settled. They’re dating. I’ll let Dustin know that its official.”

This dating status means that the couple may smile (or wave) to one another during passing period, sit next to each other when their groups collide to see a weekend movie, and it gives both people involved bragging rights as to who it is they’re “dating” now, but requires no formal communication or commitment.

As the years pass, the boys become gentlemen. The guys take the girls out on dates to the movies, dinner and the whole sha-bang. He picks up the tab –– no questions asked. He has manners and does cute cheesy things just because he knows she loves it. She reciprocates and does cute things that potentially embarrass him in front of friends, but it works.

Somewhere along this map I’ve just laid out, most guys of today seem to get lost. They tend to get trapped in the vicious continuum of the beginning, elementary tendencies.

We can be thankful that they skip the stage when communication was only possible by way of messengers (a.k.a. locker partners), but how about that gentleman phase?

I was recently hassled for not making time or making the effort to call and hang out with a boyish fellow. In all seriousness, he then proceeded to inform me, “Cause you know, there’s a line…” (referring to the entourage of women surrounding his house, I’m sure).

Well in that case, I’ll take a number and wait my turn for my chance with such a modest mister.

If it doesn’t work out with him, I’ll always have my prince charming to tend the theatre with me.
I knew it was love when he asked me to a movie –– in which case the “suitor” stepped out of the way at the ticket booth and insisted “ladies first!” He then carried on to pay for his own ticket with a $20 bill (that he babbles about his mother giving him) and insisted on bitching the whole movie about how lame it was.

Sometimes I get the feeling that these habits are stockpiled just for my enjoyment, and that other girls are appreciating a plethora of actually wonderful men. And I often feel that I’m doomed to a lonely life unless I’m willing to put up with these impish excuses for chivalry.

But I’d love for someone to prove me wrong, and show me some of these gentlemen whp seem to be so ever-elusive these days.

Molly Ungerer is a sophomore undeclared major.

 Posted by at 3:42 pm

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