May 082011
 
Authors: Allison Sylte

As the only sophomore on the Collegian Ed Board, it may seem a bit confusing as to why I’m writing a column in the graduation special section, given that most of my co-workers are actually graduating, whereas I’m here to pontificate for the next two years (lucky you).

Or not. Having come to the conclusion that my liberal arts degree is essentially as useless as not having a degree, I’ve begun perusing my other options, figuring that I might as well enter the workforce before I needlessly pay for a 20 percent tuition hike.

And so, without any further ado, here is my list of careers for a non-college graduate to aspire to:

High-class stripper

Sex sells, and it actually pays pretty well. According to payscale.com, a high class stripper can make a yearly salary plus tips of $127,500 a year –– not too shabby, particularly considering that these strippers are paid more than many engineers and that the only start-up investment required is a damn-good boob-job.

It may not be particularly glamorous and awkward to tell your parents about, but it’s the easiest way to make big bucks, especially considering that for some aspects of this job, you may never need to leave the comfort of your own bedroom.

Celebrity personal assistant

It’s hard out there for a celebrity. Between the photo shoots, red carpet events and award shows, you need someone to look out for you, to care for you and provide companionship … not to mention carry your umbrella and small dog.

According to a report by NPR, some celebrity personal assistants can make more than $150,000 a year, on top of freebies, to take care of the stuff celebrities just don’t want to, from dealing with financial records to even sitting in on fashion shows and other high class events.

Wow, sounds like a hard-knock life.

Cable TV host

I’m about to hit you with some mad knowledge: Glenn Beck, the genius behind the chalkboard and an avid commentator on political science, doesn’t hold a college degree. Think about that for a second and let it really sink in.

And then let this sink in: Glenn made himself a cool $32 million last year.

Obviously, let this be a lesson to you all: You don’t need a college degree to talk about things you know nothing about, and get paid for it, although some of us folk at the paper may make it seem that way.

President of the United States

That’s right: There have been a total of 10 U.S. presidents who have not held a college degree. And, at least judging from their titles, they’ve done pretty fine without one.

The list includes George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Andrew Jackson and Harry S. Truman, presidents who arguably did a better job in office than certain other presidents with Ivy League degrees.

And so, next time your friends, parents or strangers chastise you for dropping out of college or majoring in philosophy, simply tell them you’re just trying to be like illustrious president and Founding Father George Washington.

It’s foolproof.

News Editor Allison Sylte is a sophomore journalism major. She can be reached at news@collegian.com.

 Posted by at 8:10 am

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