Apr 182011
 
Authors: Anna Baldwin and Eugene Daniels

By Anna Baldwin

It’s so cliché, but I really do think that everything happens for a reason.

So women, when a relationship, a friendship ends, it’s not the end of the world. Even though it seems like the sky is falling –– again, cliché.
There is good news, though. And we shouldn’t keep quiet about it.

You took away something from this ended relationship. You learned new things, learned how not to do things in the future, and you might have even learned what you want in a future relationship.

Naturally, all of these things will carry over into conversations and motivations for your actions when it comes to your new boyfriend. And that’s okay!

As long as you’re not using the things you learned and experienced as excuses in new relationships, but just as guiding tools, then it’s okay to reference them.
An example of what not to do: I was repeatedly lied to in the past and so now I can’t trust anyone and especially you, new boyfriend.

A good example: I was repeatedly lied to in the past, so now I’m going to be more cautious and open with everyone.

I talked to several random people about this, and they agree. In fact, one woman on campus said that her current boyfriend likes how she knows what she wants in their relationship –– from realizing from past mistakes –– because it eliminates disagreements.

Another woman I talked to said everything she’s learned from past relationships is useful now as she seeks a new boyfriend, because she’s learned how she doesn’t have to put up with jerks.

I recently watched a documentary by Tom Chadyac, called “I Am,” which is an exploration of the question: “What’s wrong with the world?” while interviewing people across the globe.

In the end, he actually found better answers for what is right in our world and not so many negative responses. I guess it’s always better to focus on the positive.
And interviews from scientists revealed that animals have love and sympathy coded in their DNA. In our DNA. It’s science.

So, it’s only natural that a single person will have multiple relationships in his or her life. Possibly even multiple loves. We learn from each experience.

And so, should we, women in new relationships, keep quiet while about everything we have learned or experienced with past guys? No. In the end, it’s not annoying as Eugene might say, but it’s beneficial for all.

By Eugene Daniels

There’s a song by the beautiful Alicia Keys called “Lesson Learned” where she says “Yes, I was burned, but I call it a lesson learned.” (And no, she is not talking about that kind of burn nasty!)

I agree with Ms. Keys on this one. When someone breaks your heart or betrays you, learn from that. Take that relationship and let it teach you so that you won’t let it ever happen again.

Now, I know everyone is waiting for me to trash the future spinster Anna on her first coupe of sentences and well…
I am.

Usually I completely disagree with her, mostly off principle because she’s Anna, but like I said, every relationship does teach you something.
However, the next couple of things she says make less sense than Donald Trump saying he’s going to run for president!

When you move on to another relationship, you have to let all of that other bull go with the dumb fool you broke up with (girl or guy). If you don’t, you will continue to use that as a blueprint for how the new relationship will go, and that is not okay.

Yes, I will admit it. Some guys are dogs and do you ladies wrong, but there are some females who do the exact same thing (you know who you are, ex-high school sweetheart)!

But women have more of a tendency to not only learn from the ex but also bring all that baggage to the next relationship.

It’s funny that we picked this topic because I dealt with this in my own relationship a week ago.

Without going into details, my girlfriend was treated poorly by ex-boyfriends and accused me of doing the same thing. The problem is I’m nothing like those other guys.

I talked to a friend of mine who was in a similar situation where the young lady would constantly compare him to her exes and it pissed him off so much he kicked her to the curb.

You can’t make your current partner pay for the mistakes of your exes.

So yeah, learn from past relationships but don’t let it dictate how you treat other people you date or meet. That’s stupid as hell!

Because then you will end up writing a relationship column and giving really bad advice, like the chick above me.

Anna Baldwin is a senior journalism major, and Eugene Daniels is a junior journalism major. Mars vs. Venus appears Tuesdays in the Collegian. Letters and feedback can be sent to letters@collegian.com.

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