Mar 312011
 
Authors: Robyn Scherer

Let’s face it: Being in agriculture is hard. You have long days, you get dirty and you don’t get a steady paycheck. That’s why I’ve decided to give up my agricultural lifestyle, move to Boulder and become a hippie. I realize I will be a very stereotypical hippie,
but that’s kind of the point.

Life is going to be so much easier. Instead of getting up at 6 a.m. to check and feed my animals, I can sleep in and not get up until noon or later. At that time I can choose whether or not to take a shower, because I won’t actually have anything to get done, except hope for world peace.

Instead of pulling on my Cruel Girl jeans and a button up shirt, I’m going to grab those bell-bottom pants and a brightly colored shirt. Instead of throwing on my cowboy boots, I’ll grab a pair of flip-flops, or maybe just go barefoot. I am going to miss my sparkly belts though. I guess I’ll just have to rock the peace sign necklaces instead.

I’m also going to dread out my hair, although that may be challenging. I’m pretty sure if I do the whole don’t shower thing it will get there eventually. I guess I’ll have to trade in my Stetson for a good ol’ headband as well.

When I do finally make it out of the house, the first thing I’ll do is trade in my current vehicle for a Volkswagen van and immediately decorate it in as many random colors as I can find. In fact, I think I’ll retrofit the inside to be a small house, so I can travel around whenever I feel like it.

If I can’t find a van, I’ll resort to hitchhiking. There’s nothing that says hippy like a good thumb stuck out. I guess I’ll have to keep my fingers crossed that a creeper doesn’t pick me up, since I can no longer carry a gun. Stranger danger alert!

Instead of staying clean, I’ll get into happy drugs and embrace my inner rockstar. That’s the cool thing to do, right? Last I checked weed was in (but I’ll be using it for medical purposes of course). On second thought, I’m not sure I want to contaminate my body that way.

In terms of music, I’ll definitely have to throw out all my country CDs and get my Bob Dylan on. No more swing dancing for me (sorry guys). It’s too bad Woodstock isn’t still around; I feel like that could have been fun.

One good thing about this change is I can still hate the government. Now I can protest peacefully though. I get to do a sit-in! That will be a new experience. I just hope the bus stops when it sees me in the middle of the road. If it doesn’t I’ll get to be a pancake hippie.

I will have to switch my political party though, so that will be tough. On the bright side, I will advocate for the rich to give their money to me because we should all be equal in terms of our income. If I’m lucky I’ll get on welfare and I’ll teach my children that it’s easier to live off welfare than ever trying to get a job.

I am worried that my family and community will disown me after this change, but I won’t care. Free love baby, no war. Let’s get our peace on!

Robyn Scherer quickly realized she failed as a hippy, and must resort back to raising goats and hogs because she missed her sparkly belts and swing dancing too much. Letters and feedback can be sent to letters@collegian.com.

 Posted by at 3:27 pm

Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.