Jim: Chad, youâ€™ve spent a lot of time over the last few months bloviating about how much you love Old Town. I canâ€™t figure it out.
Chad: Dude, how do you not like it? Beer, art, dance, women?
Jim: Fair enough. I canâ€™t argue with the beer and art, but I hate dancing â€“â€“Â especially drunken, undulating masses of dancing â€“â€“ and the one woman I have to deal with already is plenty for me.
Chad: I donâ€™t dance either. I was thinking more interpretive dance …
Chad: No. But what about all there is to do down there? Restaurants? Live music? Breweries and bars?
Jim: Iâ€™m all for Old Town during the daytime â€“â€“ plenty to eat and do. But it doesnâ€™t make any sense to stand in an hour-long line in the snow just to get into a beach-themed bar so I can yell at my friends and order $6 Long Island Iced Teas.
Chad: I like seeing lines because that means the town is busy. And if youâ€™re getting cold, then that just means you didnâ€™t pre-game enough.
Jim: Let me point out that you donâ€™t need to pregame when youâ€™ve got a bunch of fat, sweaty, bearded frat-bros to keep you warm once you get into Bondiâ€™s. Matt just turned 21. Matt, Old Town or no?
Matt: I have only gone to the bars a handful of times, and the first of those times I donâ€™t remember at all.
Chad: Yeah I was there; you were drunk.
Matt: Thanks Chad, thatâ€™s a kind way to describe it. But from what Iâ€™ve seen so far in Old Town, the bars are just a party with terrible, four-to-the-floor club music, expensive drinks and usually involve screaming a drunken, unintelligible conversation inches away from some drunk girl you didnâ€™t really want to talk to.
Jim: Mattâ€™s figured it out already. So what bars do you usually hit, Chad?
Chad: I go to Steak-Out, Trailhead. The Crown Pub is great. The key is to go to the places where you donâ€™t see the mobs going. All those bars stay busy, but arenâ€™t obnoxious like Mattâ€™s â€œfour-to-the-floorâ€ bars. Or put on a tie and go to Ace Gillettes. You can talk there.
Matt: All I know is I would rather get drunk in the cheapest way with the best possible company.
Jim: Get out of here, Matt. Go to some hipster show. I was at Trailhead on Saturday, Chad, and the highlight of my night was getting sandwiched between some drunk hippies while some crazy guy yelled at me about the importance of faith and love.
Chad: Pump the brakes, Jim, donâ€™t rip on the Trailhead. Thatâ€™s blasphemy.
Jim: I like Trailhead well enough, but I spend most of my time west of campus at Road 34 or Meaux Joâ€™s (not during the Thursday night bro-fest crunch, mind you), and head to C.B. and Pottâ€™s when I feel like I can deal with the sterilized, corporate sillyness. Plus, you canâ€™t beat the spiked smoothies at Maâ€™s Juice Bar.
Matt: Iâ€™ve been to a few of those, maybe Iâ€™m still just new to the bar scene. Hopefully the both of you can teach me bar etiquette, such as what bars to go to, how to open a tab, how much to tip and how many cement mixers to drink.
Chad: Matt Iâ€™m sure in a few weeks you will know the bars just as well as anyone else, and Jim. I live in Old Town, though, and walk everywhere. I havenâ€™t been west of campus in years. I didnâ€™t even know those places still existed. Old Town is the culture epicenter of Fort Collins; without it, we would look like another dry, white-walled suburb like all those in Denver.
Jim: I think youâ€™re missing out, but at least we can agree Fort Collins is pretty great no matter where you go.
Managing Editor Jim Sojourner, Editorial Editor Chadwick Bowman and Entertainment Editor Matt Miller major in a variety of things but all like to drink beer. Their column will probably not appear again. If you made it this far, letters and feedback can be sent to firstname.lastname@example.org.