Single people know that Valentineâ€™s Day is nothing more than a fallacy, that itâ€™s simply a marketing scam meant to benefit chocolate companies, the people who make teddy bears and flower conglomerates.
Or at least thatâ€™s what we tell ourselves, as we watch those pathetic, lovey dovey, handholding, smug couples suck all of the joy out of our already empty hearts.
Feb. 14 becomes the day where we hug our teddy bears alone in our rooms, the day where we binge on expensive chocolate while surfing Match.com and ordering flowers for ourselves from our fake British boyfriends.
Itâ€™s depressing, but thereâ€™s hope! Us hopeless romantics at the Collegian have compiled a list of the best ways for a singleton to celebrate â€œNational Singles Awareness Day.â€
According to locals, there is no better place for singles to mingle and drink their pain away than Tonyâ€™s, a cozy bar located at 224 S. College Ave.
Sources call it â€œsleazy but easy,â€ but also note that it offers fantastic opportunities to meet interesting people. Who knows, you might not spend Valentines Day alone after all!
Others say that whenever theyâ€™re lonely and have nothing to do, Mo Jeouxâ€™s offers a diverse crowd with friendly bartenders to listen to your problems and plenty of attractive people.
Mo Jeauxâ€™s is located at 820 City Park Ave.
Whether you want to while away your night writing emo poetry and reading â€œPride and Prejudice,â€ or sitting alone in a corner sipping coffee and crying, The Alley Cat is a non-judgmental place to do both. And who knows, you might meet a soulful, skinny jeans wearing, guitar-strumming hipster in the process!
The Alley Cat is located at 120 half W. Laurel St.
If youâ€™re up for ruining somebody elseâ€™s date with your bitter moping, Starry Night, located at 112 S. College Ave., is the place to be. With a cozy fireplace and romantic backdrop, Starry Night is sure to attract those people that you hate.
Spill coffee on their heads, flip them off from across the room, your choice, but no matter what you do, give them a Valentineâ€™s Day to remember.
Best Last Resort
The Fort Collins Cat Rescue
If youâ€™ve truly resigned to being single and have decided to fill the romantic void in your life with a cat, the Fort Collins Cat Rescue offers a fantastic opportunity to help out a good cause and adopt an adorable kitty. Or 20.
Assistant News Editor Allison Sylte can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.