Dec 012010
Authors: Ryan Gibbons and Glen Pfeiffer

Google Street View is without a question one of the coolest ways to look at the front of your house from inside of your house.

Sadly though, many people have opted out and decided to have Google censor their dwellings. This didn’t sit too well with some upstanding German Googlers, and they went out and egged a few of those shy houses and left notes on the mailbox of each one with a message reading, “Google is cool.”

Neither of us have been to Germany but the next time we’re there we’ll be sure to find you mischievous few and buy you some beers. We just think it’s ironic that these people probably opted out to avoid trouble for privacy reasons … but opting out brought even more trouble. That’s what you get for pooh-poohing technology.

Tired of pulling out your old copies of Playboy and finding yourself unable to pull the pages apart? Well Playboy has just the answer. They’ve just announced digitized versions of their whole collection for viewing on your computer. The kicker? It comes on your own personalized hard drive, which is questionably a mixed blessing because as cool as the Playboy bunny looks on your hard drive, it’s not discrete enough to take to work.

Yeah. You know who you are. Recap: $300 dollars for a 250 gigabyte external hard drive full of Hugh Hefner’s pride and glory from the first publication in 1953 right up through 2010.

Remember how you always thought there was no harm in Googling yourself? Well think again. Two days ago, a University of Florida student who must have been bored between classes typed his name into Google and discovered he was wanted for murder.

Instead of hightailing it out of Florida like any normal person who is wanted for murder, he called up the cops to let them know they had the wrong guy (they did). They had mistyped the real suspect’s name by one letter and came up with our hero instead, who is now officially the most famous self-Googler in the world.

Now before you all go out there thinking it’s alright to Google yourself willy-nilly, we’d like to remind you to think of the past first. You wouldn’t want to accidentally find any naked of pictures of yourself. That could be more awkward than finding yourself wanted for murder … but considering our Internet, possibly more likely.

Now we know we’ve already done two stories related to Google and wouldn’t do a third … except that we don’t dictate the direction of this writing, the Internet does. We are just the messengers.

Our last strange story is of a man who gained too much weight. This man does not live in a land with no mirrors, but he must not own one, because it took seeing himself captured on Google Street View to realize how much he’d let himself go. He weighed 300 pounds and was horrified by the picture –– enough that he joined a gym and lost one third of his body weight. We are currently buying up the domain name “googlestreetviewdiet” right now so we can sell it to Google for millions when they come looking for it … hopefully tomorrow.

Columnist Glen Pfeiffer is irate that Google doesn’t think his last name is a word and that it has no problem with Columnist Ryan Gibbons’ name. Send comments and questions to

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