Dec 012010
Authors: Sarah Millard

Surprise. North Korea did something crazy over Thanksgiving Break.

Evidently, our buddy to the North (not Canada) fired bombs at the South Korean island of Yeonpyeong (fun fact, I have absolutely no idea how to pronounce that and had to check the spelling on Google about a thousand times.) Obviously, they claimed South Korea started it, but isn’t that what all perpetually disobedient children do?

I was not surprised when I heard about the latest conflict in the world that did not involve Angelina Jolie’s portrayal of Bosnian women. Surprisingly, some of my Facebook friends were. The only event that spawned more status updates than the recent Korea-on-Korea action was the Broncos’ latest loss, which is as unsurprising as instability in the Korean peninsula.

Kim Jong-Il is proving himself, time and time again, to be nuttier than a fruitcake, which is the only cliche way to describe him that doesn’t involve expletives. He also happens to be my favorite communist dictator besides the immortal Fidel Castro.

Some may argue that North Korea is really not a communist state, but rather a complete totalitarian regime called “Juche,” meaning self-reliant state.

Others, like myself, say, “Communism, socialism or fascism, it’s all the same. All I know is that it can’t be Juche because it doesn’t end in ‘ism.’’

North Korea is frequently criticized for, among other things, the cult of personality that is effervescent in its society. North Koreans are made to believe that their leader is the literal leader of the world and that life inside of their boundaries is perfect.

Think M. Night Shyamalan’s movie “The Village.” You know, the one that sucked. It’s practically the same thing, but without Johnny Cash. I mean Joaquin Phoenix.

By my logic (which has never been praised or cited) by believing Kim Jong-Il is the leader of the world and North Korea is a communist country, Kim Jong-Il is the leader of communism.

OK, that might be a stretch. But hey, it’s late; I’m cold and can’t keep drawing out this column to make a point.

Anyway, the point is that Kim Jong-Il, no matter how much we hate him and his nuclear personality, is not the leader of communism. It’s really Karl Marx.

Marx is the father of communism, although his younger brother Groucho takes all the credit at family reunions.

What’s interesting about Marxism, and Marxist’s ideology, is that regardless of how popular it seemed to be during the 20th century, nobody really read all of the directions.

In 100 pages of the “Communist Manifesto,” all Marx says is that the rich are the despots of society and in order to reach complete equality, the proletariat must start a revolution, overthrow the bourgeoisie and form a party of the people for the people. It is perfect equality.

But as North Korea, the Soviet Union and Cuba have shown us, the people are corrupt as well. Which pretty much negates everything Marx ever intended.

But to their credit, Marx’s directions were a little dull. Have you ever tried to read Marx? It’s like watching paint dry, only the paint joins forces with the wallpaper and starts a revolution against you.

No wonder these societies collapsed. Nobody could make it through half the book.

Regardless, I can only imagine how much our beloved philosopher is rolling around in his grave at the ways tyrants have twisted his perfect utopia into a world of starvation and political upheaval.

What we see now is not communism. It is only an imperfect adaptation of a political ideology. It has been besmirched and tangled by humans which self-interest and inclinations towards bettering the lives of their own.

Which is why communism will never work. We as a species are too selfish to be equal, which is probably more equal than a perfect utopia. Oh well. Viva capitalism.

President Obama is not a communist. Kim Jong-Il is not a communist. Karl Marx was a communist.

Sarah Millard is senior political science major. Her column appears Thursdays in the Collegian. Letters and feedback can be reached letters@collegian.

 Posted by at 4:37 pm

Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.