When you see someone dressed in a banana suit throwing up on a bench outside of Corbett Hall over the weekend remember that no, fruit hasnâ€™t gotten larger. Itâ€™s just Halloween again.
Well, that is unless you ate a few too many sheets of LSD to celebrate your favorite spooky holiday. In that case yes, itâ€™s still Halloween but fruit may indeed have gotten much larger. And rainbow colored. And may be ripping the fabric of space-time into little neon threads in front of your very eyes â€¦ in which case you shouldâ€™ve paid more attention to this â€œOur View.â€
Halloween is a grand holiday. OK, so itâ€™s not that much different than any other weekend night, except that Halloween gives you a chance to learn which of your friends are stupid enough to believe that dressing like a penis will get them laid.
Nevertheless there are a couple of things to watch out for this weekend. First and foremost, keep the razor blades, infected needles and poison out of your beer. And if you think your friendâ€™s drink might be tainted with one of these dangerous Halloween tricks, taste it for them to make sure itâ€™s safe.
Second, take it from your phallicky friend, safe sex is better than no sex, and no sex is better than STD tests and awkward trips to Planned Parenthood.
Third, drugs and alcohol are bad, mmmk. But theyâ€™re less bad in moderation. Be aware of your limits and stay in control. Donâ€™t mix uppers and downers, be it caffeine and alcohol in Four Lokos or some delicious speedballs.
Take care of yourself this Halloween, Rams, because we sure as hell wonâ€™t be able to.