Welcome, CSU, to your fourth week of classes. Freshmen: Are you doing alright? Seniors: Only 50-some days until the end of the semester. Sophomores and juniors: nobody cares about you right now, but you should be used to that.
During the fourth week, classes are finally starting to pick up. You may have already had a paper due, and your first test, if it hasnâ€™t already happened, is right around the corner. Youâ€™ve already slept in twice (double that number for upperclassmen. No, actually, probably triple it) and, if youâ€™re like me, you find yourself buying large numbers of calendars just to ceremoniously cross off days until winter break.
Most likely, youâ€™ve already spent your allotted money for this semester on beer, hard liquor and late night orders of D.P. Dough.
If all of these apply to you, you might as well just leave class now because thereâ€™s no way youâ€™ll make it the rest of the semester.
But if you insist on continuing with your education, youâ€™ll notice that during the fourth week of school, everyone is seemingly on edge â€“ all the time â€“ and it doesnâ€™t just seem that way, itâ€™s actually true.
Now the excitement of the new semester has begun to wear off, and you find yourself looking longingly toward the spring for new classes, warm weather and graduation. Instead, your daily life consists of slamming your head against the desk while attempting to complete tedious class work for professors who just donâ€™t â€œgetâ€ how stressful your life of video games, clubbing and binge drinking really is.
Itâ€™s enough to make anyone lash out.
Unfortunately for the cyclists at CSU, I take out my anger on them.
Anyone who has known me for even a moment knows how much I loathe those on two wheels. If youâ€™ve ever been in the car with me as Iâ€™ve driven through campus, youâ€™ve probably prayed for the slew of injured bikers Iâ€™ve left in my path of fury and rage. Just kidding. But seriously.
I canâ€™t help it. Itâ€™s not that I hate the environment or I hate health. I admire those who opt to ride a bike to campus instead of paying ridiculous amounts of money for a parking permit to help build a new parking garage, which still has way too many teacher parking spots, by the way.
I actually love that you want to save the environment and reduce your risk of heart disease. Having a car is an unnatural dependency and Iâ€™m sorry to say I suffer from it.
However, I really wish you would get out of my way.
Zooming past stop signs is one surefire way to ensure my car hitting your bike. And I assure you, in this fight, I will win.
When crossing Meridian heading to or from the Rec Center, if you didnâ€™t make the cluster of pedestrians, donâ€™t cross by yourself; again, I will hit you.
If you want to veer outside of the bike lane and into the road, which is my carâ€™s domain, I will hit you again.
I donâ€™t think I can stress this enough. Bikers, just be respectful. If you want to be a pedestrian, walk. If you want to be a car, drive. But donâ€™t assume that youâ€™re more important because you ride two wheels.
And of course not all bikers act this way, but like any group of people, a select few ruin it for everyone.
And these bikers who ruin it cause me to scream, slam my fists on my steering wheel and throw a general tantrum within the confines of my little sedan.
When I leave campus today, I will no doubt be confronted with an assembly of bikers who, yet again, strive to ruin my day. So if you see my mug shot in the paper tomorrow accompanying a story about how I got out of my car, chased a biker down and threw their bike in the lagoon with my Hulk-like strength, youâ€™ll know I mean business.
What a long semester this will be.
Sarah Millard is a senior political science major. Her column appears Thursdays in the Collegian. Letters and feedback can be sent to firstname.lastname@example.org.