- To the guy who tried to ride our vacuum home friday night: It was amusing to watch our neighbor stare at it in her yard the next morning.
- Dear football team,
Please play better.
Sincerely, my liver.
- To the girl doing her dishes topless in front of the open window: Thank you. You made my run a lot more enjoyable.
- Since the heavy dumbbells are gone, should we just lift the intimidated students instead?