Occasionally we have columns on recurring topics. And guess what? This week isnâ€™t a Monthly How-To.
Sure, itâ€™s been two and a half months since we did one, but we are gonna do some news today instead â€“â€“ we promise you a how-to next week or maybe even one the week after. Which no one will read. Because itâ€™s the finals week issue.
â€˜Halo Reachâ€™ beta:
If we were to choose one word to describe â€œHalo,â€ it would probably be crack â€“â€“ just a form of crack only gamers can get addicted to. Itâ€™s a very odd type of crack. The game can be an addiction. In fact, the public service announcement practically writes itself.
â€œI went to a friendâ€™s LAN party and had my first real taste. It was only supposed to be once. The next day I was out on the streets, trying to score a 360. Everythingâ€™s fuzzy after that, but I remember bits and pieces … images of Cortana … and that black guy who never dies. â€˜Haloâ€™: Not even once.â€
If itâ€™s too late for you, donâ€™t waste money on rehab. Instead get excited because thereâ€™s a new strain of the drug hitting the streets in just four days.
This September, Bungie is releasing its highly anticipated prequel to the Halo franchise: â€œHalo Reach.â€ But next week itâ€™ll be dropping the beta version of â€œReachâ€™sâ€ multiplayer. The beta will probably last somewhere around three weeks, just enough time for us to become hopelessly addicted and preorder the full game.
For those of you interested, youâ€™ll need to have a copy of â€œHalo ODST,â€ a hard drive and an Xbox Live gold account. There are simply too many goodies to discuss in this column, so go check out Bungie.net for more details.
And if youâ€™re in the mood for a good old fashioned thumping, send Ryan a friend request: Gamertag â€œShnubbles.â€ If thatâ€™s not your thing, you can find Glen outside in the sunshine.
Hewlett-Packard and Palm Pre
Wednesday, Hewlett-Packard bought Palm, the maker of the Pre smartphone, for around $ 1.2 billion.
Palmâ€™s CEO will remain with the company in some capacity. So if youâ€™re a Pre owner you shouldnâ€™t worry about any massive changes.
This is just HP getting in on the smartphone market. But itâ€™s a steep hill, and theyâ€™re starting late. We hope they have fun running up it.
One question we commonly get is, â€œWhat new cell phone should I get?â€ Of course, we instinctively say an iPhone, but weâ€™ve come to understand that not everyone wants to be that cool, which is OK because not everyone can fit in on Cloud 9 anyway.
We kid. But for those of you who arenâ€™t looking to swallow that $30 data contract on a smartphone â€“â€“ this phone is semi-smart â€“â€“ while still trying to look hip and cool â€“â€“ Microsoft pushed this image to the point of nausea â€“â€“ you might want to check out Microsoftâ€™s new Kin One and Kin Two.
Sure, the names are a little different, but you know kids these days. Itâ€™s all about the non-conformity. The two phones sport full QWERTY keyboards and are both sliders. The Kin Oneâ€™s physical shape is a little different, or best described as cute â€“â€“ Ladies, need a new phone?
The carrier for the Kin is Verizon, so go get one and make sure to call your friends every four hours while playing â€œHalo Reachâ€ to let them know youâ€™re still alive.
The Governor of Texas
By now we understand that many people who arenâ€™t as nerdy as us have probably stopped reading, unless you always read through the column just for the snarky commentary. If thatâ€™s you and youâ€™re still reading, we have something for you, too.
Wednesday, the Associated Press reported that the Governor of Texas, Rick Perry, was jogging with his Labrador in February when all of a sudden, bam, a coyote came out of nowhere.
So, what did he do? He pulled out a laser-sighted Ruger firearm that he carries on jogs to protect against snakes â€“â€“ Texas anacondas? â€“â€“ and â€œgoodbyeâ€ to the coyote.
To make the story even more hardcore, the Governor was jogging without his security detail that day. He said the coyote was threatening both him and his dog, and one or the other was in imminent danger. This story leaves us with two questions.
One: Who in their right mind would date his daughter? And two: Whatâ€™s your gamertag, Governor?
Columnists Ryan Gibbons and Glen Pfeiffer, do, in fact, fight every day about whose name should go first in the byline. Send your suggestions to firstname.lastname@example.org.