Jan 192010
 
Authors: Johnny Hart

Before we get started –– yes we will need to work together in order for this little experiment to flourish (see below) –– let me explain the two inspirations behind this new column.

The first comes from all those scenes in that movie “High Fidelity” wherein John Cusack and company run down top 5 lists of random categories, like best debut albums for example.

The second? I like hearing myself talk. Maybe more like watching myself write. I’m not sure. Basically, the premise of each column is to take a category, top 5-erize it and share with the masses. It should run every other Wednesday if I can allot time between sleeping, eating and video gaming.

This is where I, the writer, shall will you, the reader, to help. You will send me topic ideas, which you can send to verve@collegian.com, for the sake of my sanity and the quality of this column.

Help me out each week with some Top 5 category suggestions, and maybe, just maybe, you might be as cool as all those kiddos who brag about making it into RamTalk.

You get a pass this go around as this is the first column. However, this week’s topic, movies that you shouldn’t watch with your parents, should send Top 5 off with a bang.

1. ‘Boogie Nights’

Sadly, this semi-historical flick about the so-called “Golden Age of Pornography” is less raunchy than most of the other films on this list.

“Boogie Nights” follows several plot lines, though mainly focused on Mark Wahlberg’s portrayal of Dirk Diggler, as the characters weave in and out of the porn industry during last 1970s and early 1980s.

Though it may be obvious that you shouldn’t watch porn with your parents, this movie isn’t exactly that. In fact, this film grossed $26,384,919 just 6 months after its Nov. 1997 release, had three Oscar nominations and one Golden Globe win.

However, watching anything related to pornography, despite its historical context and critical acclaim, is just awkward around the parentals.

2. ‘Borat!’

Oh Sacha Baron Cohen, how do you make people so uncomfortable? This flick caused awkward moments just within itself, so imagine sitting down to a nice family movie and seeing two nude men wresting in a hotel room.

Other movies like “American Pie” or “Boogie Nights” have genuine cinematic qualities to them, and one could be duped into accidently viewing them with a parent.
However, you’ve got to be missing a link somewhere if you thought “Borat!” could ever be appropriate to show to an elder.
I don’t even know if anyone could watch this movie with a group of peers without finding themselves cringing and looking away at parts.

3. ‘American Pie’
This movie is a classic. It’s Generation Y’s answer to “Sixteen Candles” and “Fast Times at Ridgemont High.”
But this doesn’t mean that parents are invited to the party. This raunchy teen comedy is fully of men seducing women, older women seducing men, boys seducing pastries …
Adult-proof the DVD case on this one.
My sympathies go out for that poor, defenseless apple pie.

4. ‘Team America’

Thinking about how I could critique this movie so as to explain what qualities would make this movie unsuitable for dear old Mom and Dad, I’m at a loss.

There’s nothing witty, nothing striking and no way to put into words why you shouldn’t watch this movie with parents except: puppet sex.

Enough said.

5. ‘The Graduate’

Again, another classic. Now, you might be saying what’s inappropriate about “The Graduate?” Actually, not very much, though it was quite risqué and revolutionary when it was first released in the late 60s.

The music, the plot (for the most part) and the characters seem pretty PG-13. However, viewing Anne Bancroft seducing a young Dustin Hoffman could lead to some tension between mothers and sons.

There you have it. There’s no fool-proof plan for avoid these awkward moments with your parents.
So my advice: stay clear of anything controversial and watch some good wholesome movies like “Die Hard” or “Hostel.”

Love,

Entertainment Editor Johnny Hart’s column use to appear sporadically in the Collegian, but are now every other Wednesday because people like him. They really, really like him. Letters and feedback can be sent to verve@collegian.com.

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