Zombie Apocalypse: Day 1

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Dec 072009
 
Authors: Matt Minich

When I first showed up to campus on the first day of what I expected to be a long and arduous week, I was a bit apprehensive. Not because of visions of bandana-wearing lunatics tearing at my flesh or spooning out my brains. Rather, it was the absence of “zombies” that had me jittery.

After all the hype, the shameless Collegian promotion and the palpable buzz of excitement from what felt like thousands of campus freaks and geeks, where was the carnage? By 10 a.m. I had expected boarded windows, abandoned vehicles, and trashcans burning without reason.

Was it the wrong day? Had everyone chickened out? God forbid, was I, a 22-year-old CSU senior, the only idiot walking the campus with his toy gun?

More and more over the course of the day, the sight of clusters of heavily armed students wandering the campus comforted me. Individuals darted between buildings for safety. It was starting to look like a real game after all, but there we no zombies in sight.

Like every soon-to-be corpse in the zombie dystopia, I got cocky. I walked the campus recklessly, my $20 Nerf shotgun stashed in my backpack. I even went so far as to step outside for a cigarette completely unarmed.

Needless to say, I am infected. Ten bucks worth of cheap plastic went down the tubes in a single, infuriating second.

With little work and less school tomorrow, I plan to inflict as much disappointment as possible. I’m looking at you, with the $60 belt-fed bicycle mounted Nerf gun and Pancho Villa-style ammo belt. You, with the camo makeup and the trench coat.

Anyone more excited than I was is fair play. This must be what it feels like to hunger for brains.

 Posted by at 3:27 am

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