You don’t choose celibacy. Celibacy chooses you.
To all my fellow ART 100 students: I’m guessing knowing the names of the Ninja Turtles saved your ass on the last test too, huh?
I can never tell whether I’m sitting next to an alcoholic or a germ freak when all I can smell is Purell.
You know you’re too high when you blow on your cereal to cool it down before every bite.
To the TA that passed out during my psych test: Thanks for the distraction in order to help me cheat off my neighbor.
If you don’t have a hangover, you aren’t trying.
Balled up socks: 50 cents. Top of the line NERF blaster: 30 dollars. Dodging brain-munching zombie hordes on campus for a full week: priceless.