The Athletics Department is dealing with a palpable dichotomy: The volleyball team has a surplus of wins, and the football team basically sucks.
At the beginning of this year, the football team’s performance looked as if it would continue a trend of success that was established well last season after quarterback Grant Stucker stuckered it to the Buffs.
Seriously, folks. Last season, we won our first bowl game in half a decade. We looked good.
But the embarrassing last couple of football games have placed the team — which was, at the beginning of the season, promising — behind last year’s record, which seemed to herald a new era in Rams football.
On the flip side of the coin, though, the volleyball team has been spectacular, receiving a large amount of positive press in this newspaper and others across the nation.
The obvious and only solution for the situation: Implement a system where wins could be transferred between teams. We’ll steal, and modify, a term from the real estate industry and call it “win share.”
It would take care of some of the pain the department is feeling in its horrific losses for its flagship team, while driving the volleyball team to be even more successful.
It’ll be like sports socialism, which is a totally American concept. The weak teams can make up for their shortcomings by feeding off the success of the strong teams.
If Billy Mays were still alive, he could market the idea for us, and we could have a nationally renowned sports program.
It’s time for some creative thinking, people, since we can’t carry ourselves professionally.
This is clearly the only way to go.