To the guy holding up the “honk for clean energy” sign in the middle of the plaza: I applaud your effort.
The secret to not get infected with swine flu: Gummy bear vitamins.
To the kid giving his friend advice about how to get a girl: You look like Adam Sandler with a voice like Chris Farley and a laugh like PeeWee Herman. You know nothing about getting girls.
Always make sure all the soap is off your face before you take a swig of your shower beer.
You know your love life sucks when you give up your virginity to a guy in hopes that he will ask you out — and then he doesn’t.
It’s sad that I get my daily dose of calcium and vitamin C from drinks I use as chasers for my alcohol.