To my accounting professor who threatened to slit her wrists if we missed a particular question: It’s too much. Just a little much.
To all the crazy skate boarders: Watch where you’re going, because if you come close to hitting me one more time, I’m pulling the stick trick from “Big Daddy” on you.
To the girl who lost her pants when she fell on the treadmill: Maybe wear some underwear next time.
Sometimes I feel like I have stage fright at the urinal of life.
Thanks to the giant jackhammer violently shaking Military Sciences and my new tight jeans for giving me the best orgasm ever, and sorry to any of my classmates who noticed.
Thank you, “Green University,” for watering the parking lot and sidewalks outside Rockwell Hall. The pavement was really looking disheveled.