To the person who decided to steal the gas cap off my old Explorer: Next time just take the whole car.
To the girl who has nine different colored pens clipped to the back of her backpack: I took your navy blue one.
To the bike riders who try desperately not to put their foot down at stoplights, you look way more ridiculous seizuring back and forth than you would if you just put your damn foot down!
To the girl who made out with me Saturday night: I am completely OK with being that guy that ended your relationship.
I think the people who stand on the Plaza and hand out thousands of flyers every day should have to be “green” and recycle all thousand of them that end up in the trash.
Thank you to the officer who keeps writing me pointless parking tickets. I can TOTALLY afford this.
To the boy I saw longboarding down Plum in a Speedo: It was a little chilly out, huh?
For my 20 page capstone paper, I am just going to plagiarize the whole thing. If anyone objects I’m going to turn it into a free speech case. If it can work for Churchill why not me?