Mar 312009
Authors: Brian Lancaster

I don’t know what’s going on with people. I can’t help but notice the odd bits of news that make their way across my computer screen and wonder if everyone has lost their damn minds.

There have been two news stories recently that have caught my eye. Both of these stories have both entertained and confused me, both involved sex, and both articles involved prostitutes. If that isn’t an equation for a good news story, then I don’t know what is.

But anyway, the first of these news stories that I saw was titled “‘Will anyone sleep with my Down’s syndrome son?’ Mother makes appeal for a lover for 21-year-old Otto” printed in the Daily Mail Online on March 17.

When I first read this story, I was amused. That this mother would go to such lengths to find her son someone to sleep with was both impressively unique and rather endearing. Not to mention the fact that soliciting sex in a newspaper, even one that may not be taken as seriously as others, is an idea that I would have never even considered.

But as I continued reading the article, something got me thinking: This would be this young man’s first time, and the mother said she would consider finding a prostitute or funding a trip to a brothel if necessary.

This is when my amusement started turning into something else. I think that if this mother really loves this young man, she’ll reconsider her brothel/prostitute idea and just stick to trying to get her son a girlfriend.

The first time for someone should be something special, and I may be wrong, but I would not consider sex that you pay for to be something special.

I would implore this woman to concentrate on helping her son find love, rather than sex. Sure, sex is great and all, but love is more important and definitely more special.

The second article, the content of which has been the buzz recently in the circles that I hang out in, is titled “ShamWow Guy In Slap, Chop Bust,” printed on March 27 by

If you haven’t been following the crazy commercial guy news recently, here’s the gist of the story: The Vince Shlomi, also known as the ShamWow guy, was arrested recently for beating a prostitute after she bit his tongue.

I know what a lot of you are thinking: But Brian, why would he hit her? Some guys pay extra for that!

I know, dear reader, I know. But apparently he wasn’t in the mood to be bitten. But I do wonder if he shouted “ShamPOW!” just to be funny. I know I would.

Anyway, there’s your monthly dose of odd news that relates to prostitutes. Is this a sign of our society entering some kind of moral sewer? I don’t honestly know.

It would seem to me, however, based on the input from these two articles put together, that prostitutes are in high demand, even though there’s a chance they may get assaulted by an infomercial star.

It’s a tough job, but someone has to do it.

Getting assaulted by an infomercial star, I mean. Prostitution seems fairly easy and straightforward.

Brian Lancaster is a senior English major. His column appears Wednesdays in the Collegian. Letters and feedback can be sent to

 Posted by at 5:00 pm

Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.