To the guy who picked me up and gave me a ride on campus today: Thanks so much for driving me to my lab! I was the only one without heaps of snow all over me.
Looking for work, pellet gun sitting idle. Experience: 30-plus confirmed birds killed. Expertise: woodpeckers, squirrels.
To the guy who attempted to enter Morgan through the emergency exit doors: Have you EVER been to the library?
To all you Californians and Texans who have never seen a flake of snow in your life, GET OFF THE ROAD or go back to where you came from.
I got out of bed for the first time all semester to be on time for my chem lab only to see a bird fly into the window and start twitching on the ground. That teaches me my lesson about being on time.
To the kilted guy: I walk around in a kilt all the time. If you want someone to mention it jump off something tall and give everyone a free show.