Have you ever had that wonderful moment during which you realized that you have made a great decision?
Those moments happen so rarely in one’s lifetime, especially mine. I’m full of bad decisions.
Coming to college as an engineering major? Hooking up with a girl who may or may not have looked somewhat like a specific late-night talk show host? Thinking I could peacefully live with several of the most annoying, arrogant, and smelly guys for my second year in the dorms? All of those were bad decisions.
However, I recently decided to take an excursion to our local Walmart, and it turned out to be one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Let me explain.
I frequently fall victim to what I like to call “life-or-death urges,” which must be satiated, lest my desires hurl me over the edge into a bottomless pit of insanity. Anyway, the urge on this wonderful night was to go out and buy the movie “Beerfest.” I’ve only seen the movie once, but I remember liking it, and I had a sudden urge to watch it again.
The problem with my urge was that it was after 10 p.m., and all the usual places that I go to buy DVDs were closed. And so it was with hesitation in my heart, and fear in my soul, that I set out for the local Walmart.
I don’t know why Walmart makes me feel uncomfortable. It might be the fact that it’s absolutely gigantic, and I need a compass and a tide chart to navigate the store correctly. It might be my upper-middle class white upbringing making me feel superior to the idea of shopping at Walmart, mixed with my sense of morality telling me that I’m really no better than anyone there.
Either way, I don’t often find myself shopping at my local Walmart.
So, after plotting my course — lucky I thought to actually bring my tide chart — toward the electronics section, I wandered around for a while, searching for my holy grail: “Beerfest.”
But it was nowhere to be found.
I asked an employee, and he led me to believe that they had carried it recently. However, he couldn’t find it either. Mission failure.
However, the trip was not in vain, for it was in the racks of DVDs that I found what could only be described as the deal of this century, possibly the deal of the millennium.
Sitting there on the shelf, in its cased-glory, was a bundle set of the “Hunt for Red October,” “Patriot Games” and “Clear and Present Danger.” All three of these DVDs were being sold for the combined total of $14.96.
This amazing discovery prompted me to ask myself what could be better than buying three amazing movies for less than $15, but that question was immediately answered. Sitting on the shelf right next to the Jack Ryan Collection (that’s what the three DVD set was called) was the entire four-movie “Lethal Weapon” series. For the same price.
I quickly scooped these DVDs into my arms and ran to the checkout, so that I could buy them before the managers discovered their frightful errors.
The moral of the story is very simple: with every closed door, the opportunity to buy seven amazing movies for less than $30 may present itself.
And maybe, just maybe, the DVD section at Walmart is the movie industry’s best-kept secret. But not anymore. I am cracking this secret wide open to the student body of Colorado State University.
Tips are appreciated.
Brian Lancaster is a senior political science major. His column appears Wednesdays in the Collegian. Letters and feedback can be sent to firstname.lastname@example.org.