Sep 162008
Authors: Brian Lancaster

Every now and again, even the writers who have no interest in serious writing topics must take a step back, re-evaluate and dive headfirst into the waters of no-nonsense journalism.

This is my time to do that and to alert everyone of my position on, as well as the advantages and disadvantages of, a change that has overcome every college campus in the nation and possibly the world.

I am, of course, referring to the switch to the new Facebook.

It boggles the mind to think that the creative team that maintains and supports Facebook actually believed that a change was necessary, and that everyone would love it.

I am, by no means, against change. On the contrary, change is what makes life interesting and worth living.

But some things just don’t need to change. I like some things the way they are. They don’t need an overhaul. No change needs to be made.

And yet, Mark Zuckerberg and his cronies have taken a liking to completely redoing the way that their beloved Facebook works, despite the constant grumbling and groaning of their main demographic: everyone.

I remember the old “old” Facebook, before the current old Facebook was in place. If you wish to know what it was like, just imagine the old Facebook without any news feed. And then they added the news feed, and everyone flipped out.

I personally liked the news feed, because it made it easier to figure out what was changing around me. And I didn’t have to work for it.

But this new Facebook, in a word, sucks.

There’s so much effort involved now in trying to see a person’s entire profile or their information. I want people to be able to come to my profile and, without effort, see my plethora of amusing bumper stickers or my hilarious randomly selected “lolcat” picture from my “I Can Has Cheezburger?” application.

Hi new friend! Would you like to know if we’re compatible as friends, as based on our ratings of popular movies? Too bad, you’ll never be able to find it, because my Facebook profile is now a veritable labyrinth of buttons, and you’ll never figure it out. Ever.

I want to know why this change is necessary. I demand answers. I demand my own personal satisfaction in this matter.

I refuse to believe that the development team at Facebook received floods of e-mails giving them feedback that requested a multitude of clickable tabs along the top of every profile.

But I’m willing to bet that the little “send feedback” link at the top-right corner of the new Facebook has gotten some wear and tear in the last few days. I know I’ve clicked on it a few times, entering my hate-filled death threats into that little feedback box.

I very rarely threaten the livelihood of family pets due to a change of this nature, but considering how much I rely on Facebook to link me to my friends, I think Mark Zuckerberg better make sure that his precious little Fluffy is never alone again.

However, as much as I hate the new Facebook, I must admit, there is one thing that I hate more than the unnecessary, yet mandatory, switch to this newfangled design: the immediate creation of groups devoted to the petition of the new Facebook.

Give me a break. I just did a search on Facebook for “new Facebook.” There were over 500 results. Did anyone actually think that they would be the only person to create a group dedicated to complaining about the new Facebook?

But above all, the thing I hate most is being invited to join these groups. Please. Don’t invite me. I won’t join. I don’t want to be one of the five million against the new Facebook. It’s just one more group I’ll eventually delete.

I know that sounds like a dumb reason to not join the group, but with the new Facebook, deleting groups requires at least twenty mouse clicks, verification of your e-mail address and social security number, and a blood sample.

And, quite frankly, I’m just too lazy.

Brian Lancaster is a senior English major. His column appears Wednesdays in the Collegian. Letters and feedback can be sent to

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