After what has seemed like an eternity of campaigning, the presidential candidate pool is finally beginning to thin.
Wednesday, both John Edwards and Rudy Giuliani announced their long-overdue departure from the presidential race, leaving only a handful of candidates from which Americans can choose.
While both campaigns had their positives, we would like to suggest ways in which, the next time around, these two fine men might be able to increase their chances.
To John Edwards: $300 haircuts are a bad idea. As is pursuing a White House bid immediately after your wife has been diagnosed with cancer.
Also, when you, by default, represent the human embodiment of white male privilege, don’t pretend that you understand civil rights struggles better than a woman and a Black man — because believe us, you don’t.
P.S. your own state doesn’t like you.
To Rudy: Just because people have called you “America’s mayor,” doesn’t mean they want you to be America’s president.
While we respect the difficult task you were handed in the wake of 9/11 and certainly commend your hard work in keeping the city together, it doesn’t make you an expert on terrorism, so you might want to consider taking stances on other issues.
As a final piece of advice, next time, don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Campaigning was almost as bad an idea as cheating on your wife — family values, Rudy.
P.S. Florida doesn’t like you.