In France, the international prototype for the kilogram, a 118-year-old cylinder safely locked up just outside Paris, is curiously losing weight. The kilo has apparently lost 50 micrograms, about the weight of a fingerprint, and has left an inconsistent metric constant for scientists. The cause of the lost weight is unknown and, as of yet, scientists cannot even begin to hypothesize. So, the Collegian Editorial Board has decided to help out the bewildered scientists and guess as to what, or who, is causing the kilo to shrink.
Sports Editor Sean Star’s view:
The kilogram is shrinking in an effort to be more like the pound and because God loves freedom and America.
Assistant News Editor Nikki Cristello’s view:
The kilogram is shrinking because it went on a diet.
Editorials Editor Sean Reed’s view:
The kilogram is shrinking because the prototype is guarded by the French. That’s what Europe gets for going metric.
Visual Editor Aaron Montoya’s view:
Gnomes are stealing very tiny pieces of it at night; very sneaky-like.
Associate News Managing Editor Jessi Stafford’s view:
The national prototypes have actually become heavier.
Editor in Chief J. David McSwane’s view:
Weighed down by the media’s coverage and criticism of the Brittany Spears VMA debacle, the kilo felt pressure to shave off a couple micrograms.