Apr 292007
Authors: Andy Nicewicz

With the threats of flooding, wildfires, mass-extinctions and massive crop failures, it’s easy to forget that global warming could actually benefit certain people.

Take Canada and Russia for instance. Both countries have a similar climate that can be generally characterized as “freezing balls.”

In the major metropolitan areas, the temperature is at least bearable, even though it’s usually below freezing for nearly half the year.

The cities face relatively mild climates when compared to the more extreme regions. According to www.encarta.msn.com, the northern-most regions of Canada have an average temperature of -31degrees Fahrenheit. Russia can be even colder, with the average January temperature in some parts of Eastern Siberia at a frigid -59 degrees Fahrenheit.

As a result, while these countries are the largest in the world in land-mass, large portions of their land are uninhabitable.

Perhaps an even greater shame is the fact that these countries have vast amounts of natural resources that are unexploited. The harsh terrain plays some part in this, but the bitter cold and permafrost plays a significant role, as well.

Now just think of the possibilities if the weather got a little warmer! Huge amounts of terrain previously too cold for human life could become open to drilling and mining.

And what good news that would be! As oil and coal are taken from the earth and burned to meet energy demands, more CO2 will be spread into the air. More CO2 will help expound the green-house effect, ultimately making Canada and Russian increasingly warmer and allowing for even more oil to be drilled and coal to be mined!

The end result will be that Russia and Canada will become the biggest exporters of natural resources in the world and reap the benefits of a vastly larger income. But they will experience some other positive effects as well:

Canada will become increasingly competitive at sports that don’t involve skating on a frozen lake.

Not being so depressed by constantly freezing weather, Russia’s alcohol problem will disappear, and worker productivity will rival that of Japan’s.

But perhaps most importantly of all, Canada will be more hospitable for all the U.S. Republicans who will move there if Hillary wins the 2008 election.

So sure, the United States, India, Western Europe, Mexico, Bangladesh, Australia and about all of South America and Africa are pretty well screwed, but Russia and Canada will be the world’s superpowers!

And does anybody want that? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

So do your part to end global-warming now!

Andy Nicewicz is a senior political science major. His column appears every Monday in the Collegian. Replies and feedback can be sent to letters@collegian.com.

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