Mar 042007
 
Authors: Drew Haugen

A week from now, spring recess will be upon us.

A welcome relief from the stressors of college life, some of us will retreat to the snowy refuge of the mountains’ ski slopes. Others may travel home to spend a week with family and a select few will participate in Alternative Spring Break trips for service in the United States and abroad.

But while all those activities sound like fun, other super-cool students (like myself) will be doing something actually worthwhile with their break: Drinking heavily in the semi-luxurious resorts of developing nations and exposing their young flesh to UV rays and cameras.

What else? Bribing Mexican police in broken Spanish to avoid arrest for public urination while stumbling home to a seedy hotel from downtown Cancun is about as good as it gets.

And then there’s the women . Oh goodness! Yeah, they wear denim and button-down shirts when they are in the classroom, but here in the former Third World, they can show off their enlightened feminist values.

In recent years, more and more women have come to embrace the Playboy form of feminine sexuality, sporting skimpy clothing and joining men in objectifying and eroticizing women.

Finally, women are starting to get what Hef was trying to say 40 years ago. The man was not trying to make a buck off of young, impressionable women; he was sending a message to the chauvinistic social norms of his day.

A trip to the beach any time of the day shows me just how far we’ve come since the sexually repressive decades of the 20th century, also known as the Dark Ages – for female flesh. String bikinis, naval piercings, and deeeeeeeep brown tans are evidence enough that people are starting to throw off the shackles of archaic gender roles.

Here in tropical semi-paradise these women can show who they really are, donning Playboy and “Porn Star” garb with mini-skirts and oversized shades; no longer can the oppressive chauvinists of society squash these women’s desire to expose their inner and outer selves.

Even more liberating for this newfound femininity that has been “embraced by young women in a curious way in a post-feminist world,” to quote Hefner, is being able to showcase their new identities, preferably while intoxicated, in a wholesome family film series like “Girls Gone Wild.”

When I think about it, I just can’t believe what “Girls Gone Wild” is doing for the feminist movement. They’ve taken something so innocuous as cat calling and public nudity and turned it into a filmed spectacle of new Playboy feminism.

The good people at “Girls Gone Wild” make a conscious effort to help these women realize their full potential (as a piece of meat), whether that means fueling a party with alcohol, “gentle” persuasion of these women to divest themselves of their clothes and antiquated gender roles, or helping them to sign a release to showcase their new liberated sexuality.

It’s really quite marvelous the work they do for the feminist movement, and, from what I hear, they donate all their proceeds to charity. Or wait, is that Paul Newman? Oh, that’s right, the proprietor of “Girls Gone Wild” is a multi-millionaire.

But hey, how better to make a fortune than in the service of gender equity like Hefner, Flint, and the rest?

On top of all the services “Girls Gone Wild” provides they even throw in complementary gear, like hats, t-shirts and energy drinks. All these women did was expose their feminine integrity to cameras!

So ladies, when you’re in an exotic locale and someone requests that you reveal yourself, remember that ulterior motives of the advancement of an enlightened feminist agenda are at play, not just a horny, opportunistic chauvinist trying to make a buck.

My spring recess goal: to pursue a Playgirl modicum of male sexual enlightenment and score myself a cameo in a “Guys Gone Wild” flick. A boy can dream, right?

Drew Haugen is a senior International Studies major. His column appears every Monday in the Collegian. Replies and feedback can be sent to letters@collegian.com.

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