Nov 012006
Authors: Anne Farrell

It’s only two days after Halloween and retail stores around the country have already begun placing out Christmas paraphernalia for sale and blaring cheerful carols through their speakers. Many stores actually began this process weeks ago, shoving candy canes and garlands at the end of the seasonal row and slowly allowing the red and green mass to take over as the Halloween goodies began to diminish.

After working in the mall over each Christmas break since high school, I’ve begun to harbor a real hatred for the cheerful holly jolly music, unless it’s in the week prior to the actual holiday.

I can justify Christmas cheer starting around Thanksgiving. After all, it’s the beginning of the holiday season and retailers want to have everyone in the mind set that it’s time to lay down their hard earned cash and begin buying gifts before all the “Tickle-Me Elmos” have flown off the shelf.

However, right now, the first week of November, the First Noel is outright unnecessary. Unless I’m in Hallmark where Christmas never ends, the sound of the song might even actually make my ears bleed if I hear it again before Thanksgiving.

If we need some holiday cheer, maybe someone needs to sit down and come up with some tunes to celebrate the grand ole’ holiday of food and festivities. Wedged between the most religious and sacrilegious holidays, Thanksgiving is the forgotten stepchild of American culture.

Let’s celebrate Thanksgiving with some autumn leaf garlands and turkeys lit up with lights. Maybe a blow-up cornucopia for the front lawn, since it appears the rest of the thanksgiving traditions – pilgrims and Native Americans – are not quite politically correct enough for the neighborhood.

Actually, I really want to re-write the tune of “Oh Christmas Tree” so that it can be blared through store loudspeakers as “Oh Fat Turkey” instead. “Oh fat turkey, oh fat turkey, we’ll stuff you with some dressing; oh fat turkey, oh fat turkey, I love you more with gravy; when you were young so fat and plump, chopped of your head and cooked your rump. Oh fat turkey, oh fat turkey; how great you are for dinner.”

Without the advertising and the hype, I have begun to feel that Thanksgiving is possibly one of the few remaining holidays that have retained its true purpose: to gather together with family and friends and give thanks for all the good that has happened thoughout the year.

I enjoy the occasion for the dysfunctional family get-together followed by gorging on cholesterol-filled dense goodies combined with a side dish of American football.

No other holiday flawlessly represents our culture as well as Thanksgiving sans the commercial spending push. It is somewhat included in the post-day sales and shopping excursions if you can manage to pull yourself off the couch after all the food you have eaten.

So, I am thankful this November. To the unseen holiday of corporate America, I am thankful for Thanksgiving.

Anne Farrell is a junior technical journalism major. Her column appears every Thursday in the Collegian. Replies and feedback can be sent to

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