Here they are, the ten most interesting games this Sunday. Strike that. Here are the ten games that I have an interest in. Wait, strike that. Here are the ten NFL games that I could come up with a lukewarm joke for. Yea, that sounds about right.
San Francisco at Chicago (-16)
Take San Francisco
Seems like a pretty big spread for the offense that couldn’t even score against the Cardinals to cover. Maybe Vegas was thinking that all the bad from the Raiders has been making its way across the Bay, just when the Niners are trying to turn things around. Then again, we’re talking about the Niners. While Smith has showed improvement, he’s always up for a couple of pick-sixes. I don’t know, maybe taking a running quarterback from Utah and expecting him to be Steve Young was a mistake after all.
Atlanta at Cincinnati (-4)
Chad Johnson said this week that if DeAngelo Hall got the better of him in Sunday’s game that he would shave off the blond Mohawk that he has been sporting for the last six weeks or so. So please, if you would, send your positive thoughts, prayers, good karma, and best wishes to DeAngelo Hall Box Number 21, 4400 Falcon Parkway, Flowery Branch, GA 30542. Help make the world a better place.
Arizona at Green Bay (-3.5)
Congratulations to Leinart for becoming a father. In an interview this week Kurt Warner said that he expects Leinart to come to him for advice on being a quarterback and a dad. I just can’t figure this one out. Would you ask advice from a guy who shares hair care products with his wife? Wait, on second thought, that’s probably right up Matt’s ally.
Tampa Bay at New York Giants (-9)
Take New York
With Tiki planning to retire at the end of the season, this will be the last time he has a chance to play against his brother Ronde. I have to say, I’m pretty bummed out. Not because this is the last time I will see the Barbers on the same field, but because anytime you can get guys on the same field named Tiki, Ronde, Elisha, Plaxico, Osi, Gibril, Paris, Earnest, and Blue it is really just fun for the whole family, and it will never happen again.
Indianapolis at Denver (-3)
Last week, while attempting to break up a Jake Plumber pass that ended up sailing over the head of Javon Walker, Browns corner Gary Baxter tore the patella tendon in BOTH of his knees. Colts secondary: learn from this. If you try to break up anything that Plumber wildly overthrows, your knees will explode. Just let it go, he’ll miss on his own.
New York Jets at Cleveland (-2)
Take New York
So, with the Browns corner Gary Baxter shredding both of his knees (see above) against the Broncos, the official website for the Cleveland Browns posted the following question:
Which player will step up most in the absence of Gary Baxter?
Browns fans, if there are any left, I sincerely hope that you are nowhere near a gun right now. Just to recap, that’s five defensive backs that have combined for five picks in their collective careers (none of these guys are rookies either). They do, however, have 178 career tackles between them, which is a plus. Cleveland needs guys in the secondary who can make tackles after their defensive line and linebackers let running backs go by.
Houston at Tennessee (-3)
Well, let’s see. The Titans are coming off a win against the Redskins and a productive bye week where Vince Young was finally able to finish crayoning in the cover of his playbook, so they might be a little cocky coming into this game (assuming nobody in the organization can remember any of the season before two weeks ago). Even though they may have some confidence and they are playing the Texans, don’t look for this one to get too out of hand. It’s just not like Jeff Fisher and the Titans to kick a team while they are down. That is, while Albert Haynesworth is still serving his suspension.
Dallas at Carolina (-5.5)
After getting the Monday night game last week, Dallas gets to play the Sunday night game against the Panthers. They have really been put up on the national stage these past couple of weeks, which is good because I have been wanting to know what has been going on with TO, and the media hasn’t really been doing a very good job of getting me enough Owens. I want constant 81 updates, and I want to see every last one of his press conferences. Wait…
St. Louis at San Diego (-9.5)
Take St. Louis
This past week, Shawne Merrimon, the Chargers outside linebacker, was suspended for 4 games for violating the NFL’s steroid policy. This was totally out of nowhere, you know, because as far as I can tell from the last two years of coverage, Barry Bonds and a handful of baseball players were the only athletes with a steroid problem. It just doesn’t make sense that a 6 foot 4, 272 pound man who runs a 4.6 forty and eats scrap iron for breakfast would be taking ‘roids. Crazy.
Pittsburgh at Oakland (+9)
Last week Hines Ward imitated the dirty bird celebration dance and got flagged for taunting. The whole episode was an embarrassment for the mild-mannered Ward, who apologized personally to his coach this week, saying it would never happen again. There will definitely be no problems this weekend, not because Hines promised, but because the Raiders don’t have a celebratory dance to imitate. There is nothing to celebrate in Oakland this season.
See you all at Hughes this Saturday to watch the Rams wax the Lobos. Check back at collegian.com on Monday for my recap. Go Rams!