I just found out some shocking information. According to the American Obesity Association, 62 percent of women age 20 to 74 are overweight. And half of those women (that’s 31 percent for those of you who really don’t do math) are considered obese.
And I felt bad because I hadn’t been to the gym in three days. Apparently a good portion of my gender hasn’t been to the gym. ever. And this is worrisome, because lately, I have a little problem:
I am, most definitely, a chocoholic. And it’s serious.
It used to be not such a big deal. I liked chocolate as much as the next person, some M&Ms here and there, maybe a Snickers bar if I was feeling particularly needy – normal chocolate consumption.
And I didn’t even like chocolate cake, so that particular evil was eliminated, too. And I went through a time where I didn’t eat any chocolate at all – none. It just sat on the shelf, that chocolate did, and cried sad chocolate tears because I was at the gym or finding a cure for cancer or watching “Grey’s Anatomy” – you know, important things.
But now, something ugly has reared its head inside of me, and the only thing that will silence it is MORE CHOCOLATE! Well, that and MORE COWBELL! But I don’t have a cowbell, so the chocolate will have to do.
I don’t know what to do about it. And now, the fear of female obesity is weighing heavily upon me (no pun intended . OK, maybe a little pun intended).
My roommate is out of town this week, but she left a chocolate cake in the refrigerator – an INTACT chocolate cake. What I’m about to reveal will make me hang my head in shame: there are now only two slices left. My head? It is hanging. Right now, right this very minute.
Oh, the shame.
For a while, I thought I had the cure: Just don’t buy any chocolate. This seemed to work for a time. We’ve already established that I don’t have any culinary skills, so there was no danger of me whipping up a cake in some sort of chocolate frenzy, although a chocolate frenzy does sound like all kinds of fun.
But I realized that in denying myself the joy of chocolate for long stretches at a time, I was bingeing whenever I was in the vicinity of chocolate, and I would go rampaging around, attacking things with my mouth. Small children were losing appendages – it was that bad. So I just gave in and bought some, and I stuck in the freezer next to the Thin Mints and the cake. I didn’t want any of the chocolate to be lonely.
So please, CSU, advise me. Short of getting rid of all the chocolate in my sight (of which there is now plenty) I just don’t know how to beat my addiction. I’ve already looked into a 12-Step, but they meet at Cold Stone Creamery, so I don’t know how effective that would be.
Maybe I’ll give it to the squirrels?
Hilary Davis is a senior technical journalism major. Her column appears Fridays in the Collegian. Replies and feedback can be sent to email@example.com.