Feb 272006
 
Authors:

Mr. Waddingham bombards us with statistics that conclude the amazing discovery that a gun pointed at someone with the trigger pulled will release a bullet and tear into a person's flesh, most likely injuring them or killing them.

What an epiphany! He also presumes we should ban guns because of the now undisputed fact that guns do in fact kill people. You know what, I've done some research and I have come up with some more discoveries that put Mr. Waddingham's to shame.

Discovery # 1, if you take a knife and ram it into someone's chest, you'll probably penetrate the heart, most likely killing the person.

Discovery #2, when you take a baseball bat and repeatedly bash someone's head with it, you'll most likely kill the person.

Finally, Discovery # 3: When you take your hands and wrap them around another person's neck, they can strangle the person, most likely killing him.

Does this mean we should ban all utensils, baseball bats and require human beings to tie their hands around their back? I think we all know the answer to that.

Mr. Waddingham, honestly, I've never read a more worthless article in my life. We can all learn something from Mr. Waddingham's amazing discovery – which our society's intelligence level has sunk to below the depth of the Titanic.

Robert Drost

Sophomore

History

 Posted by at 5:00 pm

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