Ice Cube freezes up in xXx

 Uncategorized
May 012005
 
Authors: Ryan Skeels

Talk about perks of being a movie reviewer of the university newspaper. Not only do you get into the occasional sneak preview, but you also get to tell everyone what you think of such great performances such as Ice Cube's portrayal of a super-spy in "xXx: State of the Union."

Just in case you weren't one of the other three people in the theater on Saturday, here's a quick rundown on what you missed.

After a sneak attack on an underground base and a death-defying escape by Samuel L. Jackson as Agent Augustus Gibbons, the National Security Agency once again finds itself in desperate need of a new enforcer to thwart the plans of the dastardly villains. Sounds like a job for Vin Diesel, eh? Sorry folks, but the original xXx, Xander Cage, was apparently killed last week on assignment, which leaves room for one man and one man only: Ice Cube.

Yep, you heard that correctly. Cube is back on the big screen only months after his all-star roles in "Are We There Yet?" and "Barbershop 2" as hardcore NSA undercover agent xXx.

After taking out 20 guards, making a break for the roof of a maximum security prison and lunging to his freedom by way of a stolen helicopter, this new xXx makes Diesel's version look like "Agent Cody Banks."

After this, Ice Cube goes to work for Agent Gibbons, helping him save the nation from the likes of Willem Dafoe and his militants, as they try to overthrow the U.S. Capitol or something like that. Honestly, it's hard to say with any sort of accuracy exactly what was going on after this, as the story slipped further and further away from being meaningful.

Ice Cube is really the only saving grace of the movie, as this will surely go down in the books as the worst idea for a sequel in history. Not only is this movie cheesier and the action more absurd than the first, but you're going to feel a whole lot dumber when you leave the theater.

When a movie develops the entire plot in the first 10 minutes and proceeds with an hour and a half of meaningless action and eye-rolling dialogue, you know someone somewhere in Hollywood must be looking for a new job because of this movie. If your mental health means anything to you these days, consider sitting this one out.

0 out of 4

 Posted by at 5:00 pm

Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.