Wednesday morning I awoke from what doctors are calling a
“politically induced coma.” Apparently, just after faxing in my
absentee ballot on Sunday afternoon, I slipped into a state of
unconsciousness brought on by an overload of politics. I am glad to
say, however, that the election is over and I am making a speedy
For the past six months or so our society has been engaged in
the once-every-four-year tradition of electing a president to lead
our country. It’s a special time where citizens get to exercise
their basic rights, and every man, woman and child nearly drowns in
cheap yard signs.
I have noticed three aspects of everyday life that I for one
will be glad to see return to normal.
The first is television. I haven’t seen an actual television
show for a month. Every night I sit down hoping to relax and
suddenly find myself transported to a world of never-ending
political propaganda. On the news stations it’s updates from the
latest polls and on every other station it is the infamous “I
approved this message” commercials. And don’t even get me started
on MTV, where every five minutes I have to listen to Oscar the
Grouch, Yoko Ono, Vanilla Ice or some other A-list celebrity tell
me how important it is that I get out and vote. Now finally MTV can
get back to something entertaining, such as Nick Lachey scooping
dead birds out of his yard.
The second aspect of society that has been driving me nutty
lately is life right here on campus. The first time The New Voters
Project asked me if I was registered to vote I replied politely,
that yes, I was, and I felt a sense of pride that I took voting
seriously. As of Monday, however I couldn’t brush my teeth in the
morning without someone jumping out of my shower with a clipboard
and a registration form.
The once peaceful atmosphere of the Lory Student Center Plaza
was also desecrated. In the weeks leading up to the election, the
Plaza began to invoke images of the “no-mans-land” between trenches
in WWI – a place where only the bravest of students dared to
venture. If you got too distracted by the rock ‘n’ roll music being
played by the College Republicans you could easily be clubbed and
dragged away by roving bands of Bob Bacon supporters.
The final thing that will at long-last return to the days of old
is the mail system. No longer will I have to sift through
fliers just to get to my precious gas bill. I also won’t have to
spend 15 minutes removing political hangers from my door knob and
front step every evening when I return home.
In general I’m just glad we can all take a deep breath and
forget about elections for a while. We can at long last stop
cutting each other off on the road because of “unfavorable” bumper
stickers and get back to the friendly driving habits of yesteryear.
We can stop quarrelling about the state of the economy at parties
and get back to playing beer-pong. Most importantly though we can
stop being Democrats and Republicans and get back to being
That is, unless you don’t like who was elected, then feel free
to continue the pandemonium of election week for the next four
years. Just don’t sneak up on me with a voter registration form or
I could go comatose. At least that’s what the doctors tell me.
Ryan Chapman is a junior business marketing major. His column
runs every other Wednesday in the Collegian.