Oct 272004
Authors: Eric Klamper

It seems like it was only yesterday when I was 6 years old and

my mother was dressing me up in my Gumby costume on Halloween

night. At that precious age, candy is worth its weight in gold to

all the sugar-tweaked children rampaging through the


There was something genuinely exciting about the holiday, and my

friends and I would rush to every available doorway, dragging

behind us half our bodyweight in Snickers bars.

Now that I’m older, but probably equally as wise, I find that

Halloween still sparks some kind of childish giddiness in people my


When I was 13, my parents were quick to inform me that I had

become too old to dress up and go gallivanting around the

neighborhood on a candy quest, although the urge remains to this

day. Apparently, there is an acceptable age bracket for that sort

of activity. I accepted this and thought Halloween fever was a part

of my past. Then I came to college and found the rebirth of

Halloween chaos.

College life has provided us with an annual excuse to dress up

and make complete asses of ourselves. We may not know exactly what

the hell we’re supposed to be celebrating, but almost everyone

knows that Halloween night will be an explosion of debauchery and

hilarity. How often does a man dressed as Papa Smurf get the

opportunity to grind with a woman dressed up as a naughty


Perhaps it’s the costumes. Perhaps it’s the parties. Perhaps

it’s the 10 square inches of fabric that women can manipulate into

a costume. The point remains that everyone gets into an

uncharacteristically fantastic mood on Halloween night.

As this will be my fifth year celebrating this “child’s” holiday

under the college clause, I am afraid that it may be my last. I

don’t recall my parents ever getting dressed up as Storm Troopers

and taking body shots off of strangers. To them, Halloween is just

a night on which they have to repeatedly answer the call of young,

sugar-thirsty loiterers. If my age plans to force me away from

celebrating this night in future years, I intend to put up a hell

of a fight.

Of course, we must recognize the need for a select few to remain

indoors on Halloween night to come to the door for the hoards of

Power Rangers and Cinderellas and promote their candy corn

addictions. Nobody would care about the holiday now if they hadn’t

enjoyed it so much as children. But I challenge you to not

prematurely forfeit your college-given right to be awkward and

slightly impaired. All too soon you will be digging through a photo

album and find documentation of yourself having a drink with a

clown, a nudist and Napoleon Dynamite and say, “Ah yes … those

were the days.”

Enjoy yourself this Halloween and please be safe, wherever


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