Random Ram: Angelo Cuomo

Apr 282004
Authors: Eric Klamper

The weekend started off with innocent intentions. They were just

trying to catch a few final days of snowboarding before the snow

disappeared for the season. But their benevolent agenda took a

drastic turn toward possible incarceration when fate had them cross

paths with an attractive waitress at a mountain restaurant.

“The lady situation was as dry as the Sahara,” said Angelo

Cuomo, a junior economics major. “We had this amazing vacation

house and the hot springs nearby, but we had no women to seduce, or

at least try to seduce.”

The group ran a quick search through Glenwood Springs but came

up empty-handed and decided to get some dinner together.

Much to Angelo’s delight, one of the workers at the restaurant

happened to be a gorgeous young woman.

“This girl was smoking,'” Cuomo said. “Every one of us was

staring and trying to get her attention. We were definitely being

more lame than smooth.”

Desperation has a pungent stench; Cuomo and company reeked of it

that evening. Luckily, they still had one trick up their


“She was a water girl so we all just kept downing our waters,”

Cuomo said. “She would come back and fill the glasses and each

time, we would try hitting on her again.”

Determined to take this beauty to the hot springs, Cuomo stepped

up to the plate and delivered line after line to the water girl and

finally won her over.

“Most girls would have just blown us off for being so immature

… she was loving it and she was flirting back with us. I felt all

confident and proud of myself,” Cuomo said.

Despite his best efforts, however, Cuomo never got the water

girl to agree to come with him to the springs.

In a last-ditch attempt, he pulled the classic move of leaving

his name and number on the ticket, which included the

well-thought-out line of, “Let’s hang out.”

“I was hoping she’d call back that night but it never happened,”

Cuomo said.

But it was a blessing in disguise that Cuomo never had his way

that evening. When the girl finally did call him back, a week

later, she admitted to Cuomo’s answering machine that she wanted to

see him again and also that she was 16 years old.

“I can’t believe we spent so much effort trying to hit on this

girl who was probably still excited about getting her driver’s

license,” Cuomo said. “I’m glad her parents couldn’t see us.”

The moral of this is that just because a girl is smokin’ that

doesn’t mean she’s 18. Watch out for the jailbait.

 Posted by at 5:00 pm

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