Only Our Opinions Matter

Apr 142004
Authors: Scott Bondy, Paul Baker

Topic 1: The beefy Barry Bonds just passed his godfather Willie

Mays for third all-time on the career home runs list. Assuming that

he is on steroids, what should be done with the records?

Baker: Nobody has proven he’s on steroids so the records should


Bondy: Ok, but if they do prove it?

Baker: They should still count because everybody in baseball

takes steroids.

Bondy: Good point. Like I said last week, we should just

contract the sport.

Baker: OK. Problem solved.

Topic 2: The Denver Nugg-puppies snatched the last spot in the

Western Conference playoffs. This will be the first time in nine

seasons the playoffs will be graced with Denver’s presence.

Baker: The last time I was this excited, we had Mount


Bondy: It’s a shame they have to go through KG and the rest of

the T-Wolves.

Baker: Oh, I wouldn’t be worried about those guys, they’ve never

won a playoff series. And don’t steal my phrase, I’m riding the

Nugg-puppies right to the championship.

Bondy: I hope you like short rides. But that’s one hell of a


Topic 3: Every year another high school basketball “phenom” gets

hyped up so much his head starts to swell. This year it’s Dwight

Howard, who looks to make the jump from high school to the NBA.

Should the NBA impose a policy making it mandatory for an athlete

to get some college experience?

Bondy: Half these guys can’t even grow facial hair.

Baker: What’s wrong with not being able to grow facial hair?

Bondy: Anyway, the NBA is more for entertainment than sport. If

you want to learn quality basketball, go play in college.

Baker: Bron-bron didn’t need to go to college. And he can throw

down with the big boys.

Topic 4: Who would have ever thought a 40-year old pitcher had a

shot at a Cy Young award. Roger Clemens (one earned run allowed in

13.2 innings spanning a 2-0 start) is having a stellar start to the

MLB season. But really, who will win it?

Bondy: I don’t know. Who watches baseball anymore?

Baker: Answer to the first question? Kerry Wood. Answer to your

stupid question: I watch baseball! He is 2-0 and carrying the

Cubbies since Mark Prior is on the DL.

Bondy: Just because I think he is cool, I’ll go with Randy

Johnson; especially if he grows out a mullet again this year.

Topic 5: Better TV show: “The Bachelor” or “Average Joe”?

Baker: “The Bachelor,” definitely.

Bondy: I can’t believe you answered that question. All you guys

reading this, do yourself a favor and don’t answer.

Topic 6: The oft-miserable Detroit Tigers sit atop the American

League Central standings. Will the laughing stock of Major League

Baseball continue their winning ways?

Baker: You know, we talk a lot about baseball, considering we

don’t even like it.

Bondy: But we’re sports fans. It’s our job.

Baker: I’m thinking they’ll choke. I can’t even name a single

guy on their team.

Bondy: Ivan “Pudge” Rodriguez.

Baker: Yeah, they’re still gonna lose 100 games.

Bondy: Good point.

Closing statements and words of the wise:

Bondy: I told you Mickelson would win the Masters.

Baker: Everyone is right once in a while. Still rooting for

those Nimrods!

That’s it boys and girls. We’ll try to do better the next


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