So I went through a couple different approaches when deciding
how to write a column on William Hung. You know, the dude who sang
Ricky Martin’s “She Bangs” on “American Idol” tryouts? The absolute
tool – see him in your head? Yeah, that one.
I had caught clips of him performing near the time it happened.
I didn’t care. Anyone on “American Idol” obviously has nothing in
common with me. Then I remembered reading a recent Rolling Stone
that carried a story about him, though I couldn’t really remember
what it said. Also I am aware he intends to release an album of his
own work including hit covers such as “Rocket Man” and “I Believe I
Can Fly.” Dear God!
So I made the decision to step out of my usually clown-friendly
sneakers, and into my
seriously-this-guy-is-too-goofy-not-to-make-fun-of boots. I was
going to mock the kind of person who would put themselves out there
being the untalented singer he proved to be. I would also take a
couple humorous personal jabs at the man’s character. It was to be
Then I read the article in Rolling Stone and saw it was not to
be. Hung is a 21-year-old virgin at the University of California at
Berkeley who admits he’s not famous for the right reasons, doesn’t
swear and plays Pokemon trading cards. Only the Vancouver Canuck’s
Todd Bertuzzi would take pot-shots at such an easy target. Another
angle would have to be found.
So then I decided to make fun of the fact that Americans are
supporting this guy. I mean, we’re willing to put this guy on shows
like Entertainment Tonight and Dateline (relax dudes, I just threw
ET in there to appeal to my female readership). Apparently it’s
also worth it for this guy to make an album so that means people
are willing to buy this album. So by some mathematical equation
that makes us bigger tools than Hung, I refuse to be grouped in any
category more toolish than that man. Refuse. And anyways, Americans
are obviously not afraid to support idiots.
Still another angle would have to be discovered. More research
was to be done. I would have to “google” William Hung – nasty.
Yet this produced the angle that would come to appease both
previous angles. It would fuse my ability to mock both “Hung
Himself” as well as the American public: WilliamHung.net (the
nickname was really taken direct from the “About Me” section of the
This is easily one of the most ridiculous Web sites I have ever
visited. Get this. His banner reads “William Hung – A Real American
Idol!” With subhead “www.williamhung.net – The Official Web site to
William Hung a.k.a. Hong Kong Ricky Martin.” Hong Kong Ricky
Martin-aaaaahahahahaha. Oh there’s more though.
The fan mail section is great. It’s completely impossible to
tell the psychos who actually love this dude apart from the people
who are discreetly mocking him. (Discreetly mocking is obviously
for the birds) And if that’s not enough, check out the “Marry Me,
Will!” section. Whoa, seriously girls, get a grip. Get. A.
It was perfect. The American public had put together an
absolutely ridiculous shrine to an absolutely ridiculous character.
And the fusion, WilliamHung.net, is the ambrosia to my starving
wit. At times it is almost overwhelming the entertainment I get
while making fun of one and realizing at the same time I am also
making fun of the other – and ultimately myself – snap!