Apr 072004
Authors: /By Scott Bondy, Paul Baker

opic 1: This year’s NCAA Men’s Basketball Play of the Year Award

goes to…. Bondy: Emeka Okafor of Connecticut, who got robbed by

those Cinderella-story-loving voters.

Baker: Well that’s funny, because last I looked it was Jameer

Nelson of Saint Joseph’s.

�Bondy: UConn = Men’s Champion, Okafor = Team Leader, Okafor


�Baker: Nelson = Best player in the nation, Baker =


Topic 2: Speaking of basketball, who is more dominant in NCAA

basketball: The UConn women or the UConn men? (Both teams won their

respective National Championship).

Baker: The women. Three championships in a row, ‘nough said.

�Bondy: The men. Because… No, I lied; the women are


Topic 3: Your beloved Avs began playoff action last night

without center Steve Moore. If you haven’t heard about the Todd

Bertuzzi-Steve Moore fiasco, you probably got housing advice from

Saddam Hussein. It’s the cheap shot heard around the world.

Bertuzzi, right wing for the Vancouver Canucks, is suspended

indefinitely for punching Moore in the back of the head and

knocking him unconscious. Moore sustained two broken vertebrate and

may be unable to play hockey again.

�Baker: Bertuzzi should never be able to lace up his skates

ever again. The guy is a vicious animal.

Bondy: Oh come on. This is ridiculous. You Avs fans are a bunch

of hypocrites. Only when something bad happens to one of your

players do you start whining.

Baker: Punching someone from behind and driving their face into

the ice is not part of the game.

Bondy: Neither is crying.

Topic 4: So, those guys in Major League Baseball seem to be

beefing up quite a bit these days. What’s going on with that?

Steroids? Barry Bonds, Sammy Sosa and Jason Giambi (to name a few)

are breaking records left and right. Is it good for MLB?

Bondy: I’ve seen those guys turn from scrawny (like Baker) to

bulky meatheads. No one likes a cheater.

Baker: When was the last time someone complained about a home

run. Without these guys hitting bombs over the fence, baseball

would be contracted. The whole damn sport!

�Bondy: Yeah, yeah. Contract it. Go ahead. It’s America’s

pastime (say it PAST-TIME).�

Baker: Shut up. Go BoSox (and Cubbies).

Topic 5: Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera

�Baker: The Olsen twins��

Bondy: The Olsen twins

�Topic 6: It’s a toss up, Shaq or Kobe? Who would you rather

have on your team?

Bondy: Well Kobe could be in jail pretty soon, and Shaq is

definitely a big, dumb animal.

Baker: I’m going to take Kobe then, at least he can make his

free throws.

Bondy: I’ll opt out and take the Olsen twins.

Topic 7: This one is for all you golf fans. The biggest golf

tournament, known as the Masters, begins today with an extensive

field. Is Tiger Woods the favorite to win?

�Baker: Oh yeah he is! Still the No. 1 player in the world,

how could you go wrong by picking him?

�Bondy: That would be the safe pick, but I think its Phil

Mickelson’s time to shine.

�Baker: You say that every year. How can you pick against a

guy with the name “Tiger”.

Bondy: I’d rather see Woods make a fool of himself in the

American Express commercials than see him win another Masters.

Closing statements and words of the wise. Baker: Without sports,

who would cheer for the Nimrods? Go Nimrods!

Bondy: You’re a nimrod.

That’s it boys and girls. We’ll try to do better the next


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