Hate mail Mad Lib

Jot down one courtesy title, four verbs, five adjectives, one

noun, four body parts, one number, one famous Bostonian, one

baseball skill, one wiener type, two family relative types, one

disease, one Starbucks drink, one animal, one place, one Hobbit

character, one Stallone movie, two characters from that movie, one

Shop-Vac ability and your name.

Now, insert your word choices into the following letter and see

what emotions arise.

Dear (courtesy title) Steinbrenner,

I wanted to (verb1) and tell you that you are the (adjective1)

(noun) I know. I hate your (adjective2) pockets and your smug

little (body part1). You have ruined the game of baseball and all

that it stands for. I’m pretty sure you and Bud Selig have

something going on – if you know what I mean. You have personally

added to the (number) years of Boston’s torment. You may have

gotten A-Rod, but you’ll never have (famous Bostonian). Plus, you

need better (baseball skill). I’ve seen Randall Simon swing better

at a (wiener type). And my little (relative type1) pitches better

than the freaking (adjective3) staff you call a rotation. I’ll wipe

my (body part2) with your pinstripes, man. You remind me of

(disease). You infect Major League Baseball’s (body part3) and

permeate the United States with your laughable (verb2). I want to

splash my burning hot (Starbuck’s drink) on your (body part4) and

watch as you (verb3) like a little (animal). I’ll eat your

(relative type2) Tyson-style and spend my life waiting for you in a

(adjective4) (place). You don’t want a piece of this (adjective5)

body. You know what, dude, I’ll toss you like Pedro tossed Zimmer.

That little (Hobbit character)-like toad was just a pre-cursor to

the whoopin’ I’m waiting to put on you. Did you ever see (Stallone

movie)? Because I’ll be (character from movie1) and you’ll be like

(character2). Then I’ll (verb4) on you.

You (shop-vac ability)!

 

Sincerely,

(your name) and every other Red Sox lovin’, baseball purist.