Jot down one courtesy title, four verbs, five adjectives, one
noun, four body parts, one number, one famous Bostonian, one
baseball skill, one wiener type, two family relative types, one
disease, one Starbucks drink, one animal, one place, one Hobbit
character, one Stallone movie, two characters from that movie, one
Shop-Vac ability and your name.
Now, insert your word choices into the following letter and see
what emotions arise.
Dear (courtesy title) Steinbrenner,
I wanted to (verb1) and tell you that you are the (adjective1)
(noun) I know. I hate your (adjective2) pockets and your smug
little (body part1). You have ruined the game of baseball and all
that it stands for. I’m pretty sure you and Bud Selig have
something going on – if you know what I mean. You have personally
added to the (number) years of Boston’s torment. You may have
gotten A-Rod, but you’ll never have (famous Bostonian). Plus, you
need better (baseball skill). I’ve seen Randall Simon swing better
at a (wiener type). And my little (relative type1) pitches better
than the freaking (adjective3) staff you call a rotation. I’ll wipe
my (body part2) with your pinstripes, man. You remind me of
(disease). You infect Major League Baseball’s (body part3) and
permeate the United States with your laughable (verb2). I want to
splash my burning hot (Starbuck’s drink) on your (body part4) and
watch as you (verb3) like a little (animal). I’ll eat your
(relative type2) Tyson-style and spend my life waiting for you in a
(adjective4) (place). You don’t want a piece of this (adjective5)
body. You know what, dude, I’ll toss you like Pedro tossed Zimmer.
That little (Hobbit character)-like toad was just a pre-cursor to
the whoopin’ I’m waiting to put on you. Did you ever see (Stallone
movie)? Because I’ll be (character from movie1) and you’ll be like
(character2). Then I’ll (verb4) on you.
You (shop-vac ability)!
(your name) and every other Red Sox lovin’, baseball purist.