Shaq Rocks

Feb 152004
Authors: John Teten

I have something to confess…I love Shaquille O’Neal!

As the 53rd All-Star game tipped off this weekend it dawned on

me that Shaq is one cool dude.

By nature, I’m a hugger. I like to hug, I do. Now, how great

would it be to wrap your arms around the Diesel and bury your face

in his ribs? Pretty stinkin’ great.

Shaq is like the friend everyone wants to have. While it may not

be blood, I think we are all connected to “The Daddy” somehow. This

linkage drastically increases my chances of huggin’ Shaq


Six degrees of Kevin Bacon move over, I’m proposing six degrees

of Shaqeration.

To support my argument I’ll link three of the most unexpected

people, from all walks of life, to the man himself.

John Teten: 1) I know my Dad, thankfully, and when my Pops was

growing up in the NYC he lived one floor above a dude named (2) Lew

Alcindor. Lew was 10 years older than my Dad so whenever he and his

buddies would get picked on they’d run screaming, “Big Lew, Big

Lew.” Lew would come quickly to rescue the frightened sandbox gang.

Well, Lew grew up and converted to Islam and changed his name to

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. He played basketball for a few years and was

actually pretty decent. 3) In 1996 Kareem was named one of the

NBA’s 50 greatest players, as was Shaq. And just think that was

only three degrees.

Jimmy Stewart:

Yes, Shaquille is even linked to the great actor of the 50s.

Shaq played Neon Bodeaux in “Blue Chips,” which was a great movie

by the way. 1) Nick Nolte played coach Pete Bell in that movie, he

punted a ball into the stands and he caved to the pressures of D-1

recruiting – no word on if he used strippers. 2) Nolte starred in a

Martin Scorsese film “Cape Fear.” 3) Scorsese also directed “The

Color of Money,” with a hot, young Tom Cruise and an also hot, but

older Paul Newman. 4) Now, one of Newman’s first big hits was in

“Exodus.” A film directed by Otto Promlinger. Yes kids, I did just

say Otto Promlinger. 5) Promlinger directed “Anatomy of a Murder,”

in 1959, which starred Jimmy Stewart.


Surely, Shaq isn’t connected to the Yan-dog, or is he? 1) Well,

in 1998-1999 Shaq was joined on the Lakers by Dennis Rodman. 2) The

Worm had a really awkward relationship with Tara Patrick, also

known as Carmen Electra. 3) She now has a really awkward marriage

to weirdo Dave Navarro. 4) For years, Navarro rocked the guitar in

Jane’s Addiction with frontman Perry Farrell. 5) Farrell’s solo

career has been revived. He signed with Virgin Records in 1999.

Virgin Records also employs 6) Yanni.

You see, Shaq is an amazing man. He has ties to everyone in the

world – even you. So if you see him, give him a hug for me.

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