Jan 282004
Authors: Brooke Harless

While vacationing in San Francisco, Ryan Hoisington, a senior

American studies major and his best friend Ben Gaines happened into

a rowdy nightclub. The two had been drinking heavily prior to their

arrival at the club and were unaware that the club was in fact a

gay bar.

The nightclub featured a stage where various musical acts had

been performing through out the night. Between acts the club held

various contests that required patron participation. Hoisington and

Gaines, still unaware of the nature of the club, volunteered to go

on stage for a chance to win $200.

“So, we’re sitting at a booth, taking shots when this gorgeous

woman gets on stage and announces that partners can get on stage

and compete for a chance at $200. I was like Ben come on, we could

win,” Hoisington said.

The beautiful announcer (who was actually a man in drag) greeted

the two and told them that they could win by changing into costumes

provided by the club and performing an impromptu dance duo. The

drag queen then escorted them to a room behind the stage where they

found various costumes hanging on a clothes rack.

“We went into the room and we started going through the

costumes. It didn’t strike me as odd that we should wear costumes

and dance around together. I’ve done crazier things in hostel

competitions while traveling. Anyway, the lady said we had three

minutes to change so we quickly grabbed a couple costumes. I was a

police officer and Ben wore a President Nixon mask and chaps with

no shirt,” Hoisington said.

After changing, the two got on stage with other participants and

were asked to go first. The announcer told the boys that they had

to incorporate handcuffs and chocolate syrup into their dance.

“So she said we had to use cuffs and syrup in our dance and I

just looked at Ben, and then the song ‘It’s not unusual’ by Tom

Jones began playing. I didn’t know what to do so I grabbed Ben and

we began to kind of tango, as best we could. Then the part of the

song where Tom Jones sings ‘I want to die’ came on, and you know I

really did want to die,” Hoisington said. “There was a chair on the

stage so Ben sat down and I sort of circled around it shaking

around. Then I handcuffed us together by the wrists. I didn’t know

what to do, I was so hammered and it finally dawned on me just what

kind of club we were in.”

Hoisington just froze while Gaines kept moving to the music.

“The audience started yelling things at us. About the time

someone yelled ‘You Suck!’ I pulled Ben off the stage. We were

still handcuffed together and we made our way out of the bar. The

cuffs were like police-issue or something, we couldn’t get out of

them,” Hoisington said, as he explained to his friend that they had

been in a gay bar.

The two then wandered around San Francisco, too embarrassed to

return to the bar, yet still handcuffed together and dressed as a

cop and President Nixon. Hoisington and Gaines then decided to

return to their hotel room, but they had left the key to their room

in their clothing, which was still in the change room of the club.

Rather than retrieving it, they got an extra key from the front

desk attendant.

“It was the same guy that had checked us in so he remembered us.

He just stared at us. We made it up to our room and I just wanted

to go to bed but Ben had to go to the bathroom, let me tell you how

fun that was. We finally passed out together and were both

extremely confused when we woke up in the morning.”

Hoisington and Gaines then made their way back to the bar and

were released from the handcuffs by the bartender. They got their

things from the change room and avoided that section of the city

for the remaining two days of their trip.

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