Leaving Las Vegas … broke

Nov 202003
Authors: Jon Ackerman

Odds are CSU will go to a bowl game. If the Rams win Saturday,

they should be in like Wynn.

But say they revert to their pitiful Wyoming form, choke in the

regular season finale and defecate on any bowl aspirations. It

pains me to say this, but you know what? I’d be fine with that. In

fact, a small part of me kind of, sort of, secretly, in an

itty-bitty-tiny kind of way, hopes the Rams don’t get a bowl



Well, it’s this thing called a bank account. I might not have

one after this weekend. Half the CSU student body might not have

one after this weekend.

We all knew this time was coming. Even though we thought we’d be

making plans for Memphis by now, it’s like someone knew we might

not make a bowl game but wanted us to have fun regardless.

So they scheduled our regular season finale at the University of

Nevada-Las Vegas the exact weekend prior to having a week off from

school. Who can we give thanks to for this gift?

If you’re still in town, get out. Ever been to a Rams’ road

game? Go west, young person. The lights await you. You’ll find a

floor to crash on.

First thing I’m doing when I roll into the City of Sin: throw a

$20 spot on the Rammies, but not the football ones. They’re

six-point favorites. That new Jackson with color is going on men’s

hoops to make the Tourney.

Then I got another $20 on the Denver Donkeys bringing Lombardi

back to the City that John Built. And another on the Nuggets taking

the West.

Man, you see how Vegas works? It eats you up like Siegfried’s

tiger then spits you out like a drop of water in front of the

Bellagio when you’re broke. And you always leave broke.

So here’s a top 10 for you: reasons why Vegas will leave you and

me unable to afford a bowl-game road trip this winter:

10. The buffets. Sure, you can find some for $4.99. But $18.99

is where it’s at.

9. Minimum withdrawal at ATMs is $100.

8. I like Black Jack. I know how to play Black Jack. I will play

Black Jack. Still doesn’t mean I win at Black Jack.

7. The sports books. Any bet, any price, you find the right

casino. Scary. I’m afraid I’m going to have to put another $20 on

Carmelo Anthony winning Rookie of the Year. The way he’s gonna dunk

on LeBron will be unorthodox.

6. Two words: Spearmint Rhino. If you know what this means, you

know what I mean.

5. Par-lay you very much, college football. Paul Schnaitter just

taught me how it works.

4. The craps table … crap.

3. Because the Avalanche is so hot it’s going to melt all this

icccccccce. The Avs and the Cup – another $20.

2. Think Ram Ride will pick me up outside the MGM Grand? Didn’t

think so. Chalk me up for at least four $20 cab rides.

And the No. 1 reason why we’ll all be too broke to go to bowl

game: Last time I was in Vegas, two buddies pressured me into

putting $50 on 18 because a cute girl said that was her favorite

number. That was a dumb bet. But this time, half of CSU will be in


And odds are, cute girls will be aplenty.

It’s gonna be a rough weekend.





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