Nov 122003
Authors: Chris Hess

1975 was a glorious year. For in 1975, the world was blessed

with a most wonderful creation – Pong.

While I have no recollection of that year, as I was not brought

into this world until 1981, I am confident that it started a

revolution. That revolution culminated in the year of my birth,

with the release of Mr. Moru Iwatani’s masterpiece – Pac-Man.

This video game was the beginning of it all. You could get your

official Pac-Man cereal, your official Pac-Man t-shirt, and the

official 1982 album “Pac-Man Fever” by Buckner and Garcia. This

record was not only a passionate ode to Pac-Man, but had songs

about Donkey Kong and Centipede as well. Oh, what a time to be


Today, the video game craze continues. Kids wear their Pokemon

shirts and listen to the official soundtrack for “Grand Theft Auto:

Vice City.” We are a generation that grew up with video games, and

in college, at least for the guys that I know, it shows. Because

playing video games, ladies, is one way that guys bond.

Now, I plead with you ladies, please, please, please try to

understand this. I will not claim to understand how girls bond,

mainly because I am not a girl. But, if one of you were to ever

explain to me what you do, I would do my best to comprehend what

you were saying.

Now, it’s true, guys tend to bond while doing many things —

eating steak, watching “The Simpsons,” smoking cigars, eating steak

while smoking cigars and watching “The Simpsons.” But why video

games? What do they have to offer in the way of furthering of our

collective manliness?

The answer is, I don’t know.

I don’t really think any guy knows. But then again, asking that

question is like asking why Wal-Mart puts out its Christmas stuff

in August. We just don’t know.

Maybe it’s the fact that instead of going out and attempting to

play football, we can all sit in the basement and watch each other

play “NCAA Football 2004” and be perfectly content. Maybe it’s the

fact that instead of going out and beating each other senseless, we

can do it on the couch with a bag of Cheetos in our laps. Or, maybe

we’re just lazy.

Whatever the reason may be, I would just ask that you ladies try

hard to understand or at least put up with us. I have witnessed too

many arguments over a guy wanting to play a video game for ten

minutes to let this go any further. Bonding is necessary for us,


If not for the fact that it is the quest of most guys to be able

to dominate their friends in every video game ever created, then at

least just look at it as letting us have our guy time. Because if

we don’t keep our tight knit group of friends together, then who

will we hang out with when you find out what losers we are and dump


So, there it is: a feeble attempt to explain the innate

obsession that guys have with little people on a TV screen. I don’t

know why we are like this, but right now, you will have to excuse

me. I have a steak on the grill, a cigar in my mouth and the

Simpsons are on in five minutes. I’ll be in the basement.




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