Tell everyone you know. Put everything on hold. Call in the
choppers. Bring in the hounds. We’ve got a massive search to
What, you haven’t heard?! What have you been doing, watching
another Matrix movie?
Something’s been stolen from the Moby Pool. And things keep
getting thieved. It’s just not right, and we need to stop the
What’s happened? Let me break it down for you:
Incident No. 1 – The saga began about a month ago, when swimming
coach John Mattos presented his team with a specially crafted green
and gold wooden ram’s head. It’s estimated to be about three feet
in diameter and weigh more than 50 pounds. As swimmer Lissa Fischer
put it, “It’s cool as s##t.”
Mattos placed it nearly 15 feet high on a wall inside the Moby
Pool area on a Tuesday morning. By the following Wednesday
afternoon, it was gone. Unless Matt Nelson stood on the shoulders
of Stuart Creason (the two 7-footers of the men’s basketball), the
thief probably used a ladder, and he/she probably had help.
When searching for the head (and I know you will), look for one
that could be a little banged up. It appears as if the culprits
dropped the head on their way out, as a wood chip was found in the
hallway outside the pool.
Incident No. 2 – Now here’s where it gets serious. A couple
weeks after the head theft, a Colorado State swimming and diving
banner went missing. This is how the team identifies itself on the
And, two office chairs the coaches use were gone. Come on,
folks. We’re talking about a man’s lumbar support here!
Incident No. 3 – Now this is just scary. It’s as if someone is
mocking the CSU swim team.
Last weekend, after CSU drowned CU in the Colorado dual meet,
another ram’s head was taken. It’s a miniature version of the first
one and was last seen in the Rams’ locker room. They’re not blaming
anyone, but it was there before the Buffs showed up and gone after
Now no one knows for sure if the three incidents are related,
but the theft of the large ram’s head alone is a felony, as the
sculpture cost more than $500. The swimmers already filed a police
report. They’re pissed.
“That (ram’s head) is the coolest thing we’ve gotten since I’ve
been here,” Fischer said. “And someone takes it.”
Some people’s audacity, I swear.
But if you ask me, it could be a sign of things to come. We all
know how big the announcement of women’s water polo becoming CSU’s
16th varsity sport was here, but maybe it made more waves at rival
Mattos will be the coach of the new team, of which a majority
will be athletes from the swim team. Could San Diego State have
gotten word about not being the only Mountain West school to offer
women’s water polo and is now a little peeved?
You’ve heard of rival schools stealing each other’s mascots
before, haven’t you? OK, so it mostly happens with football, and
mostly in high school. But we’re new to this water polo thing.
Maybe the folks in San Diego take it as seriously as we take beer
So if you know anything about any one of the incidents, please,
I urge you, contact the proper authorities. We can’t let this get
any more out of hand than it already has.
The team told me what the reward could be. All I’ll say is that
unless you like boys in swimsuits, return the head at once.
Or at least give it to me.