There was a time in my life when I firmly believed I had the
female race figured out. I knew what they thought, I knew what they
wanted…then I came to college. College is a time when many things
are learned, such as you don’t know what the hell you are talking
about and you aren’t as cool as you think you are.
Three years later, I have determined that I will never, ever
fully comprehend what goes through a woman’s mind. I mean, God
bless all 12,838 of you beautiful young ladies for trying to help
guys like me out, but new questions pop into my mind every day.
As of late, I have been struggling with one question in
particular. While sitting on campus one day, I became increasingly
interested in the shoes people were wearing. More specifically, the
shoes some of the girls were wearing.
While most girls went with the standard running shoe or
ever-popular flip-flop, others wore shoes that were simply mind
bending. Multiple scientific laws and theories that I’m not smart
enough to even know about would have to be denied in order for a
foot to fit into some of them. Others had heels that were so skinny
and so tall that they could impale a small child. What’s more, the
looks on the girls’ faces and the difficulty with which they walked
were enough to communicate the fact that the shoes were not the
least bit comfortable or practical enough to be wearing on
Why, then, do girls where uncomfortable shoes? After many
sleepless nights and an unhealthy obsession with women’s shoes that
resulted in my being banished for life from Dillard’s, I decided to
go to the source, presenting any girl that would listen with my
I received an array of responses. The overall consensus seemed
to be that it doesn’t matter if a pair of shoes is uncomfortable,
as long as they are cute. It doesn’t matter if they make your feet
bleed, as long as they match with an $850 dress. As my roommate’s
girlfriend put it, “pain is beauty.”
Personally I think a girl is hot when she wears Pumas. But the
fact of the matter is that most guys don’t care what shoes a girl
is wearing. Truth be told, a girl’s feet are not the first thing a
guy looks at. If I had a dime for every time I heard, “Ah snap! Did
you see the feet on that girl, they were off the hizzy,” I’d be
broke. But apparently, it doesn’t matter what guys think, some
girls are simply trying to impress other girls.
Yes gentleman, you read that correctly. At first, I too was
taken aback. From the day I was born, I thought that some girls
dressed nice in order to attract the attention of men. But, I guess
I was wrong. Girls seem to be in competition with each other to see
who can look the cutest, even if it means making their feet bleed.
Even if it means slipping and falling in their stiletto-heeled
boots on the freshly waxed student center floor, they will continue
to strive for the title of the cutest girl, and it doesn’t matter
what men think.
So, some women are simply dressed to impress other women; yet
another element of the female race that I will never be able to
grasp. But, if pain is beauty, then it’s time for me to invest in a
nice pair of black leather pants. See you at Dillard’s.