Foom Foom Flop

Oct 082003
Authors: Gabriel Dance

For those of you who haven’t noticed or don’t watch MTV, you’ll

be disheartened to learn that their newest reality dance show “The

Wade Robson Project” is a big hit. On the other hand you’ll be

happy to know that just as MTV’s previous dance show “The Grind,”

this show also sucks. But like “The Grind” there’s just something

about this show that makes you have to watch it after seeing the

first couple minutes. Although not yet positive, I’m pretty sure

it’s the mix of scantily clad, gyrating women and the

ridiculousness of the whole debacle.

If you haven’t seen it, here is the gist. Wade Robson is the

“shiznit” choreographer right now in MTV-land, having designed

routines for the likes of Britney Spears and ‘Nsync. He is a tall,

spiky-haired white dude with flava coming out his ear and dance

moves that could make a woman breath heavy by just watching him.

Also, he is named Wade. Anyhow, Wade has four competitors come on

his show and by a series of eliminations he is left with two

competitors who he teaches a brief dance routine. He then

personally decides who will move on in the competition. This part

is so bizarrely entertaining I have to go more in depth.

Wade stands in the middle and goes through a short dance routine

with both contestants flanking either side of him and trying to

mimic his moves. This part is usually pretty entertaining because

the people try to add their own style to the moves. Even this would

be okay, except Wade has already saturated the moves in style sauce

so thoroughly that they’re dripping with coolness, thus rendering

the competitors efforts laughingly futile. Then, while Wade bounces

and shouts things like “Get on the beat” and “You suck, I was

dancing with Michael Jackson when I was five” (he doesn’t really

yell that, but I’m sure he’s thinking it), the competitors strut

their stuff. All the while Wade is sweating through any outfit he’s

wearing and saying “foom foom fop” while shooting limbs in all

directions in perfect synchronization with the beat.

The competitors are all competing for $100,000 cash, a $10,000

wardrobe from Union Bay (I was under the mistaken impression you

could buy a Union Bay store for just under 3K) and “the dance

opportunity of a lifetime.” I’m not sure what could possibly be a

better opportunity than getting on the beat with Wade, but

apparently there is. For me personally, the only thing better would

be to get a hold of one of Wade’s sweat-soaked shirts and wring out

somebody cooler than myself just like they do with athletes on that

bottled water commercial.

Now I could see how many people might think that due to my

surname I would be a premier dancer and authority on the subject.

They would be right. I have danced along with Wade and the

competitors during the final round and I have “foom foom fopped”

perfectly in sync with the beat. However, I also realize that I

have neither the drive nor the ambition to go on MTV to strive to

be a backup dancer in the Backstreet Boys’ next video.

I also could see how many people might enjoy this show. For

example, blind people would absolutely love this show. Also teenage

girls struggling for identity would enjoy this show. Unfortunately,

my roommates also enjoy watching this show so every now and again I

am subjected to getting on the beat just like Wade. But for those

of you who have a choice I recommend turning this show foom foom





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