For those of you who haven’t noticed or don’t watch MTV, you’ll
be disheartened to learn that their newest reality dance show “The
Wade Robson Project” is a big hit. On the other hand you’ll be
happy to know that just as MTV’s previous dance show “The Grind,”
this show also sucks. But like “The Grind” there’s just something
about this show that makes you have to watch it after seeing the
first couple minutes. Although not yet positive, I’m pretty sure
it’s the mix of scantily clad, gyrating women and the
ridiculousness of the whole debacle.
If you haven’t seen it, here is the gist. Wade Robson is the
“shiznit” choreographer right now in MTV-land, having designed
routines for the likes of Britney Spears and ‘Nsync. He is a tall,
spiky-haired white dude with flava coming out his ear and dance
moves that could make a woman breath heavy by just watching him.
Also, he is named Wade. Anyhow, Wade has four competitors come on
his show and by a series of eliminations he is left with two
competitors who he teaches a brief dance routine. He then
personally decides who will move on in the competition. This part
is so bizarrely entertaining I have to go more in depth.
Wade stands in the middle and goes through a short dance routine
with both contestants flanking either side of him and trying to
mimic his moves. This part is usually pretty entertaining because
the people try to add their own style to the moves. Even this would
be okay, except Wade has already saturated the moves in style sauce
so thoroughly that they’re dripping with coolness, thus rendering
the competitors efforts laughingly futile. Then, while Wade bounces
and shouts things like “Get on the beat” and “You suck, I was
dancing with Michael Jackson when I was five” (he doesn’t really
yell that, but I’m sure he’s thinking it), the competitors strut
their stuff. All the while Wade is sweating through any outfit he’s
wearing and saying “foom foom fop” while shooting limbs in all
directions in perfect synchronization with the beat.
The competitors are all competing for $100,000 cash, a $10,000
wardrobe from Union Bay (I was under the mistaken impression you
could buy a Union Bay store for just under 3K) and “the dance
opportunity of a lifetime.” I’m not sure what could possibly be a
better opportunity than getting on the beat with Wade, but
apparently there is. For me personally, the only thing better would
be to get a hold of one of Wade’s sweat-soaked shirts and wring out
somebody cooler than myself just like they do with athletes on that
bottled water commercial.
Now I could see how many people might think that due to my
surname I would be a premier dancer and authority on the subject.
They would be right. I have danced along with Wade and the
competitors during the final round and I have “foom foom fopped”
perfectly in sync with the beat. However, I also realize that I
have neither the drive nor the ambition to go on MTV to strive to
be a backup dancer in the Backstreet Boys’ next video.
I also could see how many people might enjoy this show. For
example, blind people would absolutely love this show. Also teenage
girls struggling for identity would enjoy this show. Unfortunately,
my roommates also enjoy watching this show so every now and again I
am subjected to getting on the beat just like Wade. But for those
of you who have a choice I recommend turning this show foom foom