Not to Utah: CSU says, “You’re welcome.”

The real worker calls in sick. The columnist does a notes column

…

I don’t know how many of you have had the unfortunate experience

of passing by me at a sporting event, but I like to wear a vest.

It’s black, red, orange, yellow and was made in a decade I can’t

decide upon. It’s hideous. But lately I’ve been looking better than

our football team …

As bad as the Rams may have been, though, Utah experienced

Christmas in September. If the Utah football team doesn’t thank CSU

when it wins the Mountain West Conference this year, I’ll never set

foot in that state again. How often does a fumble end up 10 feet in

the air and drop into your hands at full stride, with not as much

as a long blade of grass in your way to the end zone? Bill Gates

doesn’t even give out gifts that nice …

Yes, I’ll drive around Utah to get to Las Vegas if I have to

…

Speaking of bold proclamations, if you have a rainbow-colored

fanny pack, hook me up. I was impressed with the lack of

key-jingling during Utah’s kickoffs, so I’ll wear one if I find

one. It should go well with my vest …

My appearance is nothing compared to the volleyball team,

though. The spikers are like my boy Blue – they look glorious.

After an insanely tough non-conference schedule, the Rams took out

the top two Mountain West teams on the road (Utah and BYU) and

cracked the top 25. Oh, and they have no seniors …

Honestly, who schedules a test during Homecoming Week? This is

about the only week the university actually has events for students

to participate in, and professors are out here giving tests? No

wonder we have no tradition, school spirit or student involvement

…

But the CSU marketing team is actively trying to boost all that.

Hoping the fan support for men’s basketball from last year’s NCAA

Tournament team carries over to this year, CSU is starting Moby

Midnight Madness. They do this at tons of basketball schools across

the country, where fans show up at midnight for the first official

morning the teams can practice. That would be Oct. 17, and both the

men’s and women’s teams will be practicing starting at 12:01 a.m.

…

Tell me if I’m wrong, but are the Major League Baseball playoffs

not that much more interesting with the Cubs? Oh, you also stopped

watching baseball when the Rockies were eliminated in July …

Now I’m all about Colorado sports teams getting pub from

national magazines, but could they pick a worse week? You’ve heard

of the Sports Illustrated jinx, right? Well, on the cover of that

magazine is right where you’ll find Broncos quarterback Jake

Plummer this week, heading into the biggest game of the year at the

Kansas City Cheifs. But fear not Orange Nation, the Broncos put

their statistic intern to work. In weeks following a Denver Bronco

cover appearance on Sports Illustrated, the Broncos are 7-0-1

…

Looks like I just made $20 off my Kansas City-native roommate

…And finally, I have to give a shout out the Tau Kappa Epsilon

alumni softball team. Not only did they win the annual Frats at Bat

Tournament, they routinely put up 20 runs a game. Too bad it was a

COLLEGE tournament, and everyone they played against still attends

COLLEGE. But after seeing the active members play (they routinely

lost by 20 runs), I understand why they brought in 25- to 30-year

old men to do what they can’t …

Maybe our football team should bring back some alumni. It is

Homecoming. Think Joey Porter’s busy these days?