Help is available for date rapes
“I was date raped.”
It has taken me two years to make this statement. Before now I
never considered what occurred two years ago in Boulder rape. I
denied what happened and convinced myself it had been consensual
sex.
This is not unusual. According to the study Sexual Victimization
of College Women, about half of all women raped each year do not
consider themselves victims. I am not sure why it took me two years
to admit what happened to me was rape. Maybe it was because I was
so close to the man who raped me I denied the significance of the
event. Maybe it was because I was so shocked by the betrayal of
trust; I couldn’t face the reality of that night. But whatever the
reasons were, they were wrong.
Rape is rape: by a friend, date, boyfriend, husband or
acquaintance; unwanted sex is still rape. It is also considered
rape by law in Colorado if a woman is intoxicated or high on drugs,
and a man has sex with her because she cannot consent to sex
(Colorado Coalition Against Sexual Assault). The punishment for
acquaintance/date rape is just as serious as stranger rape-it is by
no means a lesser crime.
“I am not alone.”
One woman is raped every two minutes in America, (U.S.
Department of Justice), and 86 percent of these women are
victimized by someone they know, (CCASA). This means one out of
every six women in the U.S. have been the victim of rape or
attempted rape in her lifetime, and 60 percent by the time she is
18 years old (CCASA).
The problem here is women never discuss rape, especially date
rape. We hide from the reality of it; we pretend it won’t happen to
us, or someone we know. But as the facts I wrote above show, this
perception is wrong. Either you, or someone close to you has been
raped, and most likely date raped. We need to stop whispering about
this ongoing violence in our society. We need to discuss rape, date
rape, sexual assault and abuse. We need to realize it happens, and
unfortunately a lot.
We need to know we are not alone.
“It was not my fault.”
Rape is never the woman’s fault.
It is not her fault if she was walking alone at night, in a dark
alley, with bad guys all around. It is not her fault if she got
drunk at a party and went home with someone she just met. It is not
her fault if she is spending time with a friend, one who decides
they should be more than friends.
There are things you can do to increase your safety, and thus
reduce the chance of being raped. These include avoiding
intoxication on a date, being alone in a stranger’s room, or being
alone with someone on a first date.
But no matter what, rape is never the woman’s fault.
“I should have reported the rape.”
Not only is date rape unrecognized as rape because women are
afraid to call it such, but also because women do not go to the
police after being raped. Women are also afraid to go to court and
face their accused rapist.
It is true acquaintance and date rapes that are difficult to
prosecute. Nationally, only 16 percent of all rape cases end in
convictions, and even less when just looking at date rapes (Abuse,
Rape and Domestic Violence Aid and Resource Collection,
www.aardvarc.org).
But even if the man is not convicted, you have stood up publicly
against date rape, something very few of us do. You will have also
made a stand in society that date rape is rape, and wrong.
Whether or not the perpetrator is convicted of the crime he
committed, it still happened. A non-guilty ruling does not mean you
were not raped, nor does it lessen the emotional and/or physical
trauma you may have suffered.
“There is help out there.”
Now that you know it was rape, that you are not alone and that
it wasn’t your fault you can begin the healing process. Although it
may be too late to report the rape to the police, there is still
help out there. For the Colorado Rape Hotline call 1-800-522-6484
or in Larimer County call 472-4200. Web sites www.ccasa.org and
www.aardvarc.org are also great resources. Just remember there are
people that can help, and people who understand. Just remember you
are not alone.
Web sites for the web:
www.ccasa.org
www.aardvarc.org
CCASA
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