Sep 242003
 
Authors: Gabriel Dance

This past Sunday saw the Emmys come and go in a windstorm of comedians and awards. Missed the show? Well here is a run down of some of the big winners, along with what they probably wanted to say but never could.

Drama Series

“The West Wing”, NBC

Martin Sheen says, “Do you remember that scene in Apocalypse Now when I came out of the mud all slowly and crazy-like? That was seriously so psycho-terrifying cool that even I thought I was insane.”

Actor, Drama Series

James Gandolfini, “The Sopranos”

Tony Soprano says, “Usually I let other people do my dirty work but after he killed my horse I just needed to crush his head into the floor. Bada bing, bada splat.”

Actress, Drama Series

Edie Falco, “The Sopranos”

Carmela Soprano says, “I know that my husband cheats on me and is involved in immoral activities, but I mean, he kills people. That is awesome.”

Supporting Actor, Drama Series

Joe Pantoliano, “The Sopranos”

Joe Panaoliano says, “What’s the story with me always dying lately? The Matrix, Memento, “The Sopranos”… I mean I’ve been laser-beamed, shot and had my head crushed into the floor. That shows versatility if you ask me.”

Comedy Series

“Everybody Loves Raymond”, CBS

Everybody says: “I thought the United States made it a law back in the early 1920s that if your name was Raymond you legally had to be called Ray.”

Actor, Comedy Series

Tony Shaloub, “Monk”

Tony Shaloub says, “Remember when I was on “Wings” and I was the taxi driver? How come nobody remembers that?”

Actress, Comedy Series

Debra Messing, “Will & Grace”

Debra Messing says, “If I were Nicole Kidman’s younger sister we would be the hottest set of redheaded sisters in show business. And I’d still hook up with Tom Cruise, even if he was my sister’s ex.”

Supporting Actor, Comedy Series

Brad Garrett, “Everybody Loves Raymond”

Brad Garrett says, “Everybody Loves Raymond? Haha, I don’t think so. If it wasn’t for that piece of crap I’d be Best Actor instead of Best Supporting Actor. I think Raymond sucks.”

Supporting Actress, Comedy Series

Doris Roberts, “Everybody Loves Raymond”

Doris Roberts says, “Everybody does love Raymond. But I really love Raymond. I mean I really love Raymond.”

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